IELTS Essay: Task 2 correction – Local customs and traditions.

3979869492c98968e6b3a7064f59ffc9-6Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, people have a tendency to visit other countries, as a tourist and for other academic purposes.
It is believed by many analysts (Prefrably use active voice: Many analysts believe) that tourists should follow the rules and tradition imposed by local culture (Again. Use active voice: tourists should follow local culture and its related rules and customs.). However, other claim that host countries should adopt the cultural difference and feel the tourist relax (Question no where says tourists are not ‘relaxed’ or are ‘tense’. In IELTS essays you have to set a tone. Here you’ve set a tone of CONFLICT. I recommend a more friendly tone).
Rephrase: “However, others claim that host countries should embrace cultural differences.”
Where is your opinion????

To begin with (No need to write this. You’ve already begun with the essay in introduction.), every country has its own traditional values cultural respects. There are many things which are favourable in one country, may not be accepted in other country.
Please note: You’ve written two sentences. However,by using CONNECTIVES you could have created just one sentence. 
 
You can study the article on connectives here
 
Rephrase: “Every country has its own traditional values and culture (preferably write: way of life) and things that are normal in one culture may not be acceptable in others.
For example, Saudia Arab (an Islamic Country), where alcohol is ban for all people. If any western tourist comes to that Islamic country he has to respect the rules compelled by government and avoid the alcohol until his stay in Saudia Arab.
Again, you could have used a connective to make a better sentence. Moreover, you’ve nowhere stated that alcohol is accepted in western culture. Unless you say it, cultural differences will not be evident.
 
For example, while alcohol is banned in Saudi Arabia, an Islamic country, it is openly accepted in western cultures. However, when a foreign tourist visits Saudi Arabia he has to respect this cultural difference.  
In addition, there are also many west Asian countries where women should traditionally cover her (Women = Plural; Her = Singular.) their full body parts from head to toe. In these countries, if any female tourist has to visit, she should also need (Should and Need do not gel together. Use any one.) to cover all her body parts by using Burqa.
Rephrase using active voice: “Female tourists should use burqa to respect this local tradition.”

On the other hand, there are many other countries which are the a mixture of different religions, languages and cultures and . They welcome all tourists and give freedom to live their own way. For instance, in India, the country which has already absorbed many religions, languages and cultures. If any tourist comes to visit India, he can easily find his own similar culture. (If a tourist can find similar culture, we’ve LOST CONTEXT. Yup. The question is on welcoming cultural differences and not on finding same culture.)
Rephrase: “Countries such as India, which have embraced numerous religions, languages and cultures over several centuries, are more inclined towards welcoming culture of different countries than enforcing their culture on tourists.
There is are also no bounding and restrictions by government and every person can live freely in its his own lifestyle. As a result, India has become now top 10 tourists’ countries destinations in the world.

In conclusion, different countries have different laws for the tourists, some are trying to impose their own legislations and some are welcoming them to mix their own culture. I believe that tourism can only be progressed if every country provides comfortable environment for tourist and welcome the cultural difference.(Finally your opinion which you should have placed at the beginning. Place your opinion in the introductory paragraph.)
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3 thoughts on “IELTS Essay: Task 2 correction – Local customs and traditions.

  1. Hello
    Would you please correct my essay?

    In some countries people tend to buy used things over new things. What do you think the reasons are? Is it a positive or negative trend?
    Nowadays, people in different countries prefer to purchase second-hand items rather than new products. Although this trend depends on people’s taste, it also has various reasons. Whatever may be the case, this type of preference has both benefits and drawbacks.
       The reasons of this trend is quite obvious. The financial status of purchasers force them to buy the things that have reasonable prices and as first-hand things are too expensive these days, people tend to search for items that are in their budget. Due to having great number of priorities, people that have low income have a tendency to spend their money on education, accomodation, clothing, healthcare, etc. Buying new things that will cost an arm and leg is not suit with their economic situation.
       It is clear that this phenomena has some benefits. The most important benefit among others is reducing pollution. As a result of producing new item, factories use more fuel and energy, therefore the weather become polluted and various gases cause different kind of illnesses in people. Using second-hand products will save human life in certain ways.
       Despite the advantages, this trend has some disadvantages. One of them is that used items won’t give the satisfaction that new products give to people. Since it may not work properly or the first user of prodect may damaged it and the purchaser will know it after while and he will not have any choice but use it in thid way. New item will be manufactured exactly as what purchaser want, but second-hand product is bought without thinking about best quality and excelent features.
       To conclude, I think even though this new trend has some disadvantages, it can become more usefull for society in long term.
      

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