IELTS Task 2: Checking a Student’s Essay

Q: Some people think basic healthcare should be free for everyone. Others believe people should pay for their own medical costs.

Topic 1: Basic Healthcare

Topic 2: Free or Paid?

Some people don’t like the idea of free basic healthcare for everyone (The essay mentions BASIC. That does not include all types of healthcare.), while others totally think opposite. While I agree that free basic healthcare will help many people, however, there will be people who will misuse it. (You’ve used WHILE construction twice in your introduction. That’s not advisable.)

Let me rephrase your words: While some people believe that elementary (syn: basic) medical (syn: Health) care should be free for the public (Syn: everyone), others think it should be paid. I’m sure free medical attention will benefit all sections of society, however it will have several adverse consequences such as misuse of free services.

On one hand, illness rate will significantly drop because everyone will have access to it (“On one hand” must be followed by “on the other hand” in the same sentence.) (What is IT? A pronoun must refer to a NOUN. I can’t see a noun in your sentence. Can’t presume that IT refers to FREE medical care.). And because of that, healthier people will increase productivity compared to unhealthy people. 

Rephrase your words: Access to free medical care will significantly reduce illness rate in public and, consequently, will improve work productivity of people in general. 

Remember: Prefer to sprinkle a few ADVERBS such as ’significantly’ in your essay. This adds value to your answer. Moreover, try to make one sentence out of two using connective words. You can read article on use of such words here – https://eltecenglish.com/2017/06/03/connective-words-in-ielts-part-1/ 

 

Furthermore, poor and middle class people will be able to find themselves paid full-time jobs when they recover. Thus, , there by increasing employment rate will increase. In addition to that, Consequently the more people will contribute taxes, the more the leading to a stronger economy will increase. Prefer using ADJECTIVES such as stronger. Use tenses correctly. Once you’ve used future tense (WILL) and the context continues, keep using future tense only.

As a result, a country will get better economically if there is free basic healthcare. 

On the other hand (Nope. Can’t use “On one hand” and “on the other hand” in separate paragraphs. They must be used in same sentence.), However, there will be those who overlook the value of free healthcare and abuse the service. (Two things to be kept in mind. IELTS wants you to: 1. Introduce an idea and 2. Explain the idea. You’ve introduced it, but not EXPLAINED it. This will cost you bands in the exam.)

Moreover, the government will have to find an efficient way to fund the service. Other services may increase in costs or money will have to be borrowed Sentence meaning is not clear. Thus, creating a debt problem to solve. 

Medicine quality may likely  as well as hygiene and service due to limited funds. This can lead to other difficulties such as the chemical components in the medicine will be more likely to cause allergies. Meaning is not clear.

Let me try to rephrase and you tell me whether you meant to write the same: “Such services may also lead to compromise in quality of medicines and lower quality and service standards of hospitals. Therefore, people may suffer form more allergies and side effects than now.” 

In conclusion, it will be great if there is free healthcare available but proper care and sufficient funds are mandatory required to make this idea successful

To hire services of our trained professionals please browse through our plans.

To know more about us please visit our Facebook Page.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s