IELTS Academic Task 1: Beer Manufacturing Process – 2

The diagram below shows various stages involved in the production of beer.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Beer Manufacturing IELTS PTE

Here’s another friend’s answer correction. Let us learn from each other’s mistakes.
The process diagram illustrates the method of making beer.

Overall, the whole process of making (Repetition of word MAKING.) manufacturing beer involves with series of stages beginning from adding malted barely in milling as well as culminating at delivery.

Correct construction: From X to Y: …from adding malted barley to delivery of finished product.

In the first stage, malted barley is added in milling machine then these are it is transformed to the special machine which is called mashing. (Use correct pronoun. “these” is plural, while “malted barley” is singular. Prefer IT.)

Note: Barley is not transformed into machine. It is FED into the mashing machine.

In the next stage, spent grain of barley is used as animal feed into lautering. You didn’t understand the process. Please read my sample answer. A link is given at the bottom of this correction. 

Malted barley is first milled, then mashed before being layered. Spent barley grains are used as animal feed while mixture (not mentioned, but interpreted) is boiled.  

In the subsequent stage, this mixture is boiled after added both things such as sugar as well as hops .

Grammar: “Such as” is used to give examples. Both means SUGAR and HOPS. No need of using SUCH AS.

In the subsequent stage, the mixture is boiled while sugar and hops are added to it.

Thereafter, it is sent into a whirlpool machine, following this, it is kept into cooling cooled. (You can’t keep things into cooling, a process, but into a coolant, a machine.)

Once it has been done, yeast is mixed to this liquid mixture for fermenting and co2 then mixture is matured .in the eventual stage, beer is ready for distribute…….

Learn how to combine processes. For instance: “Thereafter, it is sent into a whirlpool machine, cooled and fermented using yeast.”
 
You need to make a few improvements:
1. From X to Y.
2. Usage of “Such as”.
3. Pronouns.
4. Correct sentence structure.
 
BANDS = 6.0.
 
Work in these areas and you’ll score more. Good Luck.
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2 thoughts on “IELTS Academic Task 1: Beer Manufacturing Process – 2

    • That’s a construction: You wrote in the first paragraph (above): FROM adding malted barley in milling AS WELL AS culminating at delivery. So, you used the construction FROM “X” AS WELL AS “Y”.

      That’s wrong. (Read the first paragraph carefully again).

      Correct response if FROM “X” TO “Y”. See below the first paragraph in BLUE COLOUR.

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