Checking a student’s answer.
The illustration shows how chocolate is produced.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The process diagram illustrates the method of
making (manufacturing) manufacturing chocolates.
Overall, the whole process involves series of stages beginning from plucking ripe red pods from the cacao tree
as well as culminating at to pressed pressing beans for liquid chocolate with the aid of machine. (Correct construction is “from X to Y”, not “from X as well as Y”.) Moreover, X and Y should be parallel. X = plucking (verb); Y = pressing (verb).
In the first stage, ripe red pods
are grown from which grow on cacao tree in South America, Africa, and in Indonesia, then, pods are hatched, and beans are in white colour in small size. In the subsequent stage, these are fermented, and spread under the shadow of Sun. When these are dired thereafter, these pods the beans are put into the large bags, and sent by the help of lorry in transported to the factory. (no need to mention “lorry”) Once it has been done, these The beans are roasted for at 350 degree Celsius in the factory. In the next stage, beans they are crushed for waste shells to remove outer shell. In the eventual stage, Inner part of these beans are pressed for produced to produce liquid chocolate. (Remember: When ever we use a verb with FOR, it takes a gerund form. When we use a verb with TO, it takes infinitive form. In simple words – for + verb-ing; to + verb. Example: to remove, for removing, to produce, for producing.)
Better than previous attempts. I can give you 6.0 to 6.5 bands. Good luck in cracking the exam.