Checking a student’s answer.
The bar chart below shows the percentage of children from 5 to 14 years of age in selected leisure activities in Australia.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
20 minutes, 150 words at least.
Please go through MY ANSWER to study the structure of this topic.
Here is another student’s answer on this topic.
Please do not use % symbol. Write the word “Percent”.
The graph illustrates the proportion of children by gender aged five to
14 fourteen (If you mention an age in words, mention all ages in words. Five, fourteen, etc.) in five different past-time activities in Australia. Note what your sentence means: Age five to fourteen is for gender (not children). Children are not in activities. They’re INVOLVED/ ENGAGED in activities. Restructure: The given graph illustrates the proportion of children, boys as well as girls, aged five to fourteen engaged in five different past-time activities in Australia.
The underlined portion is a modifier. Please go through a small but immensely helpful article on how to use modifiers.
Overall, boys dominate girls in three activities, whereas, girls are higher in one activity, (usually a COMMA precedes WHICH) which is art and craft. It is noticeable that both children preferred watching television.
Beginning to the highest (This is inaccurate, grammatically incorrect and redundant), watching television comprises of a whole percentage on both gender. Rephrase: All boys and girls of the given age group watch television. (Simple, clear, effective.)
Playing computer games is one of the leisure activities with approximately 75% of boys and approximately 50% of girls. Next is bicycle riding, (comma before “which”) which makes up exactly a third and more than half of the total for boys and girls respectively.
Skate boarding is slightly higher for boys with less than 50% than a quarter for girls.
Rephrase: With about 40 percent boys preferring Skate boarding, it is more popular among boys than girls.
Finally, the only activity
in of which girls are more fond of, art and craft. It has a higher percentage in girls with more than 50% and just only more than 25% for boys.
About 50 percent girls are fond of art and craft as compared to only 25 percent boys.
Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.