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IELTS Essay Correction: Expensive Presents for Children.

Checking a student’s answer.

Some people think that parents should not give their children expensive presents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples based on your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

I can see overuse of the word EXPENSIVE in your essay. You could have preferred using precious, overpriced, high-priced, costly, etc.

The discussion of parents giving expensive gifts to their children has generated a lot of dust (I don’t know what “a lot of dust mean”) in recent times. One side of the argument favours that kids should not be presented with expensive gifts because it (can’t use a sigular pronoun – it – for a plural noun – gifts.) will spoil them. … the kids should not be presented with costly gifts because these items may spoil them.

In my opinion, (My opinion = I believe) I believe that while there is a tendency of expensive gifts spoiling a child, its their advantages such as boosting the morale of the child and a sense of love it brings to the child, should not be ruled out.

Critics believe that expensive gifts can bring an unnecessary pride and arrogance to children. So in the light of this (The sentence looks fine in absence of this phrase. Avoid writing redundant words.), they argue that children should be presented with moderate gifts so as not to trigger arrogance and pride in them.

However, I disagree with the opinion of critics because pride and arrogance can never be displayed by kids who are well-trained, and this should in no way prevent their parents from giving them expensive presents. Avoid writing passive voice. Active voice sentence: Kids who are brought up in a well-educated and sensible atmosphere do not display the evils of pride and arrogance even when they get precious presents.

One of the major advantages of giving a child an expensive gift is that it boosts both in terms of academics and home activities the morale of the child. Wrong sentence structure: Morale should be close to boost because it is direct object. it boosts the moral, both in academic and home activities, of the child.

A recent study shows that kids that who are given expensive gifts perform better in school than those that who are presented with less expensive gifts. For humans prefer WHO over THAT.

In the same vein, parents demonstrate their undying love to their children by giving them expensive items and this bring brings a feeling of intimate love to the children.
To conclude, it is now evident that expensive gifts bring out the best in children and as well keeps keep the family love flowing. (“subject-verb agreement” mistakes. You can read my article on Subject-Verb agreement to avoid these mistakes.)

Words = 256

Good Attempt.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.

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