Checking a student’s answer.
The diagram shows Lakeside development between years 2000 and 2009.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The both maps compare the variations in the lakeside. While first one is in
2002 2000 (please read the data carefully) however, other is in 2009. (The right construction is WHILE X, Y. While and however do not come together in the same sentence.) Try to squeeze the data in one sentence as I have done in my answer here.
Overall, comparing two maps, there are significant
change changes (are = plural; use changes) after this development as well as also (as well as = also, repetition) both maps show that place Lakeside has become a good place with lots of facilities. (Repeat “place” twice.)
The most noticeable change was seen in the Industrial complex, (a comma before ‘which’. Always) which was expanded and also divided into many parts in 2009. Lake was also turned into a pond. Derelict warehouses were demolished and replaced by a car park. The place of school was unchanged. Art center that was located in the west direction, moved into a cinema hall in 2009. (Article usage: the industrial complex, a pond, a car park, a cinema hall.)
2002 2000, there were three residential area areas but two were destroy destroyed in 2009, (a comma before “and”, called Oxford Comma.) and that place was used for other purposes such as for a shopping mall. In whole maps, one of the residential area areas was remain remained on the same place which is in on the west side and near the car park and also way of river.
You have a lot of singular-plural mistakes.
I’m sure you have not read my essay published HERE because your essay is devoid of any structure whereas I have mentioned the structure clearly.
Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.