Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Animal Rights.

Animal rights IELTS PTE.gif

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

How EXACTLY should this essay be structured? Go through my ANSWER.

Student’s Answer:

Some people believe that animals should have the same rights as humans and should not be used for any purposes by humans, whereas, others argue that they (A pronoun must refer to a noun. It is not clear to which noun does “they” refer.) animals do not have any rights and have to use in for all purposes that human need for; for example food and research (This must be integrated into the sentence)…any rights and they can be used for any purpose such as food, research or clothes. (Any doubts regarding usage of “they” in my sentence? Feel free to ask in the comments box below.)

This essay will illustrate both opinions for this issue.

Firstly, humans depends depend (subject-verb agreement) on animals in for a lot of things; for example, in food, some cuisines of individuals consist of some animals such as cows, camel, and sheep, and in treatment, some drugs of people extract from some animals like some animals are used for producing antibiotics. In sports, we use animals in racing such as horse riding and also in for leisure such as visiting the zoo and forests. In addition, they help us in cleaning environment; for instance, bacteria (Bacteria is not an animal. It’s a microorganism.) that feed on dead things and removes them from earth, some animals such as pigs that eat rubbish and eradicate them from our universe like pigs (this means, pigs are rubbish. Attach pigs with ‘animals’), and a lot of animals that feed on extra foods that put in trash bins. Furthermore, people use dogs for defense and in searching who conduct the crime Furthermore, people employ dogs for defending their home and searching for lost objects. (you violated the law of parallelism. Please discuss it in the commets section below, if you wish.). Finally, scientists need animals, like bacteria, rats, and rabbits in some researches research that are is performed in their laboratories. Thus, it is should put ethics and rules in treating, handling and using animals to preserve them because they are important to complete life of individuals in our universe. (The question is not on PRESERVING animals but on their RIGHTS. Lost Context.) 

Secondly, some ones Many people believe that these animals do not have any rights and we should use them in everything, by any methods and at any times. This will lead to decrease the number of them in the environment and may lead to disappear disappearance of some species. (You have not explained this.)
All in all In conclusion, all people in the world should put rights for animal to cure them. (What do you mean by CURE THEM? No context.)

Study prepositions: in/for. You have made multiple mistakes.

You have overused words – SOME, SUCH AS. Lost context. This will severely hamper your score. You didn’t explain the other side of the argument. Conclusion not given. Bands = 5.5 

Go through some of my essays to determine how to write well and how to structure your essays.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.

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7 replies »

  1. Testing on animals is common practice for product such as cosmetics or drugs. Some people regard testing on animals as completely wrong and inhumane and they believe it should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

    Certain individual believe that mankind should not use animals for their purpose because animals also have right to live in this world. But other argue that humans are more important than animals so to save life, animals have to sacrifice their life to cure. This essay partly agree with this statement.

    We can see that body parts of animals are used for different cosmetic purposes to revive the beauty of human. Such as, Skin of animals to make leather shoes and belts, bones for the ring and bracelets and so on. Similarly, animals are tested in the laboratory to find the solution of different uncommon diseases for curing human beings. It is easier to test the animals better than to risk life of human in lab. Human beings are valuable living beings who have innate capacity to change the world so to save life, it can be appropriate to use animals. For instance: a recent research paper shows that about 80 percent of medicine are produced and distributed in market after the test in animals.

    However, some animal right activists deny to test animals because they argue animals also have right as much as human to live in the world. They also have families and can share their feeling and emotions. For example: a research accomplished by Harvard University shows that, animals can understand and want to stay with beloved one and share love affection. At the end, animal right campaigners suggest not to exploit animals and search for the alternative.

    In conclusion, although animals are used for cosmetic materials or to save life of human, animals also have right to live together in family and utilize the beauty of environment. So I partly agree to use animals for the purpose of human.

    please watchout my conclusion structure is right or wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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