Checking a student’s essay.
Learning English at school is often seen more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion is it important to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages, if so how?
40 minutes, 250 words.
Another student has attempted this answer HERE.
Please go through an 8 band response as well.
IELTS, as well as PTE, love asking questions on the English language. Here is my essay on English as Global Business Language.
In the recent years, the world has become a global village and English
is the language which is the forerunner for inter-cultural conversations and worldwide business (Words “inter-cultural” and “worldwide” add value to conversations and business). Schools worldwide now focus on their students being fluent in English. Though there are a lot of positive ramifications, (Comma needed here. Correct construction is “though X, Y“) the one detrimental effect is the fading of the local languages. This essay highlights the importance of mastering English and will also provides a suitable alternative to circumvent the problem. (Parallelism: Tense before “and” and after”and” should be the same. In your case: Simple Present.)
On one hand, English is the common language people all over the world communicate in. It is also the medium lessons are imparted in prestigious institutions. You can use “Not Only, But Also” construction to connect sentences which have a common subject: English. Rephrase: English is not only the common language for communication among people of different cultures but also a preferred language in prestigious institutions.
Moreover it is the cornerstone for a high profile job, so schools focus on honing their students English competency skills to perfection. To illustrate English is taught to a toddler from the time he enters nursery while the local languages take a backseat and are introduced only when a child enters grade 6. It begets (The usage of the word BEGET is wrong.) in a child mastering the language they are exposed to when they are young. This example highlights that emphasis on English and it is obvious that it is a critical tool for survival once they enter the competitive world. (A well-written paragraph on the importance of English language.)
On the other hand, (Always prefer a comma after “on the other hand”) students are not familiar with the native languages as they (Pronoun usage) are taught at a later stage. Please note: Most people fail to properly use pronouns. They can refer to students as well as native languages. Its reference to a noun is not clear.
Rephrase: Students are not familiar with the native languages since these (these – refers to languages only. No confusion.) are taught at a later stage.
This results in many individuals not being able to communicate fluently in their local language as they only develop skills enough to pass their examinations. So that the future generations will continue to have knowledge of what is a quintessential part of their culture parents need to devote time and stress on the importance of being bilingual. (So that ….. bilingual – an excellent sentence. However, try to write direct sentences. That is, effect follows cause. I would have preferred: Parents need to ….. bilingual so that …… culture.)
For example, I am able to comprehend my native language fluently even though I was never taught Kannada in school, as speaking the local language was compulsory at home and my parents reprimanded me every time I made a mistake.
After analyzing the above it can be concluded that In conclusion every individual should be proficient in English while the family should be pragmatic and stress on the native language and make them competent. It is always better to be multilingual, a good hold over the local languages while being extremely competent in English. (The English language loves the principle of BREVITY. That is, write fewer words. “After analyzing …. that” = 9 words; in conclusion = 2. The meaning remains unchanged. So, prefer 2 words.)
Loved going through this answer. Good language and writing style. 7 bands comfortably. However, the student needs to work hard for 8 bands in IELTS or 79 for PTE.
Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.