IELTS Essay Correction: University Students Education

University Subjects IELTS PTE.jpg

Checking a student’s essay.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views & give your opinion.

Time Allotted: 40 minutes. Word Limit: minimum 250 words.

IELTS guys are smart. This essay was asked in the context of children instead of the university students. Please explore the following related essays:

Children should study all subjects or a few.

Skills and University Education.

Answer:

In today’s ever competitive world, where education plays a predominant role, it is generally believed that graduates should choose (Choose WHAT?) whatever they want (… graduates should choose subjects that suit their interest). While other proponents express the view of restricting scholars students to particular professional subjects, related to commenced stream, useful for future that shape a brighter future. I’m going to discuss both the concerns in the following discussion.

With regards to ‘students should be allowed to study their own interests’, it is more helpful, if the students are allowed to choose the subjects, to pick the subjects according to their particular interests. The sentence is not wrong but inefficient. You’ve made a lot of repetitions (interests, subjects, choose subjects = pick subjects, etc.) Rephrase: Allowing students to choose subjects according to their interests helps them become better professionals.

It will become more beneficial as they find themselves more involved in pursuing them. Ostensibly, it will help them to get skilled to a zenith level without having any inner hesitation. (This idea is not clear. What zenith level? What inner hesitation?) IELTS Law (unwritten): Introduce and idea and EXPLAIN it. Make it clear. Evidently, this helps them learn skills in which they are genuinely interested and enables them to get high paying jobs.

Subsequently, it is clear, that one will never find difficulty for learning when he/she really anticipated towards it (Anticipate = to realize beforehand. The word does not fit in the sentence).

Moreover, along with the degree they achieve, they will be able to get mastered (Mastered = Skills to zenith level; Repetition.), which they intended and as well as it will help them to choose the career, they wanted to enter. Avoid repetition. This costs you bands.

On the contrary, with regards to ‘scholars are to be restricted to particular core subjects’, is also suggestible to stick on to a focused area, which is already commenced to. (Commence: To begin something. This word does not fit with this sentence). Rephrase: On the other hand, restricting students to subjects related to engineering and science will build a society with massive feats in the world of technology.

And as they there are not many distractions, it is very helpful to get in-depth, as well as sustainable knowledge in the area, being pursued. One, who is mastered in specialized circumstances subjects, is more prone (You are prone to some threat not work) has greater ability to work efficiently in a job in a related field. Conflating the main point (How is this conflating? Wrong word choice.), nowadays companies are indeed more concerned indeed about people who are skilled in a particular area.

To recapitulate, with the above views, I believe both the views are worth of considering. One thing helps to develop the fascination towards the higher education where whereas another one helps to get more skilled graduates for an ever growing competitive world. Hence, it is the choice of an individual to choose the desired type of curriculum they intend more, and it helps to build a better society as well as a better nation. (Conclusion is nice. It contains the elements of FUTURE and IMPACT. Above all, it is not the same as introduction).

I’ve mentioned all issues in as much detail as possible. Please feel free to ask any doubts in the comments section and we can discuss them in a greater detail. This will benefit other students as well.

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