Checking a student’s answer.
Water is in short supply in many countries of the world, but consumption of water by families is increasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to preserve water?
IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words.
PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.
Please go through my version of this essay as well.
Another student’s answer correction is posted HERE.
Nowadays conserving water
task has become an ever greater priority, as more and more areas of the world are struggling with drought. Even if we are (Present continuous tense) not living in a drought-stricken area, cutting back on water use is our social and moral responsibility to safe save this scarest scarce natural resource. This essay with ponder light on the reasons of over water use by public and methods improve the scary water shortage. Please go through any one of my essays under “Writing Task 2” and you’ll learn that the right way to introduce a topic is to MENTION the reasons in the introduction. All me to change the last line.
The reasons for over-use of water include A, B, and C. (EXPLAIN A, B and C in the body paragraphs.)
First of all, the
principle principal reason behind this water shortage is the crazy escalation in population. As we can see last century has witnessed the skyrocketing growth of population (redundant: You have already written this in the first sentence), this multiplication of population has (redundant: You have already written this in the first sentence) surged in the demand for water.
Rephrase: The principal reason behind water shortage is the rapid growth in human population during the past century that led to a tremendous surge in demand for water.
Second of all, secondly, advancement of technology has gifted us with the latest household machinery like wishwasher, dishwasher, automatic washing machine and Fast flow shower heads. etcetera, all All these machineries machines demand extra water to get started. Third of all, Thirdly, people are not aware of the importance of this precious natural resource. They are using water carelessly. For instance, A survey done in the USA shows that 300 gallons of water on average is used by every house to perform daily activities in USA. (You mentioned USA at the begining of the sentence. Repetition.)
Now, what are our onus to save water? Firstly, awareness among people is mandatory, as the major reason for over-use of water is public activities. They can
safe preserve this life-saving liquid by carefully planning per daily household activities. For example by using water rated sense dish washer and washing machines and also by using them when they are full. (Your senteces are not expressing ideas efficiently since you are missing certain key words such as activities and planning.)
Further, every person must check for any leakage in the house and
if there is any leakage (redundancy due to repetition) get it fixed immediately.
Furthermore, if anybody using a car then head to a car wash garage where water can be recycled.
Additionally, close the faucet while brushing and doing other such activity and also teach your children such important lessons.
Problems: You miss certain key words that make sentences more expressive. You’ve missed ARTICLES (a, an, the) at a few places. Some redundancy (repetition of words/ideas)
Please ask any doubts in the comments box below.