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IELTS Essay Correction: Parenting Training Course to Bring up Children.

parental training IELTS PTE

It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training courses to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?

Wow! You are a writer. Loved going through every word of your essay. A near perfect answer. Just one mistake: STRUCTURE of the essay. As paragraphs progress, I’ll explain the changes required.

(The introduction is well-written. No issues here. You have mentioned your opinion very efficiently.) Issues pertaining to parent-children conflict, juvenile delinquency, and psychological disorders among young generation are common these days. In this regard, it is suggested that parent training programs can be beneficial in the upbringing of the children. Despite the fact, that these programs tend to be expensive and time-consuming, I concede the former idea and strongly believe that such initiatives are valuable for the overall individual and rational development of youngsters.

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(Body Paragraph 1: Great on all counts except structure. Both benefits can’t be squeezed in the same paragraph. Ideally, a paragraph should contain one issue only and that issue should eng with that paragraph. Next paragraph should have the next issue. In nut shell, make two paragraphs out of this.) One of the clear advantages of parent training programs is a (benefit 1) better understanding of different behavioural and emotional issues of the teenagers. Every progenitor during the journey of parenthood experience conflicts, rebellious behavior, and resentment from his or her young ones. It has also been commonly observed that many adolescents fail to communicate their emotional problems openly which they may be experiencing at school or in their social circle. Ultimately, they end up indulging in criminal offenses, violent behaviors, drug addiction or suffer from severe mental conditions, for example such as,  depression, inferiority complex, and anxiety. Therefore, courses aimed at teaching parents help families to interact effectively with their offsprings and  cater them with strategies to modify the environment by reducing the reasons for conflict. Moreover, parents can learn how to (benefit 2) assist children to be resilient and tackle their problems on their own. This can not only enhance improves parent child relationship but also boost boosts the self-confidence of the children. Consequently, contributing to the positive growth and evolution of juvenile.

(Well, the essay asks for your opinion and not the other side. If this is not your opinion, better not explain it. Why waste your bandwidth on this? Use this space to strengthen your case further. Give more BENEFITS of the program.) Nonetheless, critics contend that high cost and length of time involved in such programs should not be ignored. As a matter of fact, many parents struggle with managing the financial burdens of household and child education, so they are reluctant to attend these classes. In addition to that, if the state runs such training programs, specialized facilitators trained in child psychology are required. Eventually, this can prove to be costly for the organizing authorities as well. Owing to that, these programs remain unsuccessful. However, this issue can be easily resolved if courses are initiated by the schools free of cost and on short-term basis. As a result, (Comma needed here) a large number of parents can attend these courses easily without the inconveniences of  high price and time.

(Conclusion is fine. Could have been better. This is merely the restatement of the LAST TWO LINES of the introduction) All things considered, although parent training programs are sometimes difficult to commence due to high cost and time (Incomplete sentence: Although X, Y construction). But , the merits of such programs in strengthening the family relations ship and repressing children behavioral and mental issues outweigh the drawbacks.

An example of conclusion (adding the elements of FUTURE and IMPACT): In conclusion, parenting training courses play an instrumental role in making a society more stable, healthier, and economically productive through a better understanding of youngsters’ behavior.

401 words. Too long.

Please ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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One response

  1. Pingback: IELTS Essay Correction: Pay One Parent to take Care of Children. | ELTEC English

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