IELTS Essay Correction: Water in Short Supply -2.

Water shortage IELTS PTE

Water is in short supply in many countries of the world, but consumption of water by families is increasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to preserve water?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words.

PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.

Answer:

Please go through my version of this essay as well. This will help you understand the structure.

Here is another student’s essay correction on this topic.

Since creation, water has been essential to man’s existence. Both plants and animals cannot survive without water. For some reasons, some countries do not have sufficient water supply and this is majorly mostly attributed to lack of planning, advancements in technology, and poor governance. (You violated to rule of PARALLELISM here. You can’t link your shoe size with your friend. You can link your shoe size with your friend’s shoe size. Right? Similarly, you can’t link lack of planning and poor governance with technology. Ask any further doubts in the comments box below.) To ensure that water is preserved and supplied sufficiently, the onus lies on the government.

While it is a common knowledge that water is basic, the government of some countries, especially the undeveloped, countries take the issue lightly. An African proverb says, “He who fails to plan, plans to fail.” This is the situation in some of these countries. Consequently, the common man suffers it (To which NOUN does this pronoun refer to? Wrong usage) the most. Consequently, the common man suffers from the shortage of water the most.

Also, the impact of technology cannot be exempted. With the advent of oil exploration, natural water bodies have been polluted and people are left incapacitated on what to do about portable drinkable water. This has drastically led families to be in need of drinking water.

To address the above issues, the government must play a vital role. They (Government = singular; they = plural. Wrong pronoun usage.) have to step-up their game. Measures should be put in place to checkmate the oil and gas industry. Proper planning should be conducted and portable water source provided for the people.

In conclusion, it can be seen that water remains vital to man and sufficiency should be adequate. (You need to work on how to CONCLUDE an essay. Please go through any of my essays under Writing task 2 to learn the art of concluding.)

209 words. Less than 250. Please write at least 250 words.

Please ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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4 Comments

  1. Godswill

    Sir,
    Please i want you to shed more light on the rule of parallelism and how i violated it. Then on how i should not link poor governance, lack of planning and advancement in technology.
    I have issues with conclusion and this is because i try to meet up with time.
    Thanks for your kind corrections. It is highly appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

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