IELTS Essay Correction: Number of Animals and Plants Declining.

plants and animals ielts pte.jpg

In many countries, the number of animals and plants are declining. Why do you think is it happening? How to solve this issue?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

This essay will show that the main cause of diminishing animal and plant populations in a plethora of countries is pollution caused by people. That’s a lot of passive voice. No need to write this essayIncreasing pollution and human interference in jungles in several countries are the most important reasons for diminishing animal and plant population. (Active Voice)

The essay will also argue that (repetition This essay) a workable solution to this worrying problem will be imposing fines on those polluting nature.

Please go through any of my writing task 2 to understand the right structure for an INTRODUCTION. Your introduction is 70 percent correct. That’s good, by the way.

Contamination in all its forms does harm to flora and fauna. Humans pollute animal habitats, poisoning rivers with toxic wastes and increasing the amount of harmful gases in the Earth`s atmosphere. This sentence violates the “rules of parallelism“. The correct sentence is: Humans pollute animal habitats, poison rivers with toxic waste and increase the amount of harmful gases in the Earth’s atmosphere.

Moreover, vegetation also suffers from pollutants such as industrial or domestic wastes which cause soil pollution contamination (avoid repeating same words – pollutants. Redundancy). All these actions lead to animal and plant species being under the threat of extinction. For example, after Goygol conservation area became a public place in 2010, the number of Caucasian deer has significantly dropped as a result of water pollution since that period. Some endemic plants in this area could not grow because of a (Article usage) high amount of harmful elements thrown by this place’s visitors.

One of the (Article usage) solutions to animal and plant extinction is to penalize people polluting wildlife. Fines have been proven to be a better way of solving this problematic issue than warning or raising awareness among polluters as it is the only preventative measure to stop pollution. The fear of possible penalty will prevent people from throwing wastes causing harm to living forms inhabiting nature. Moreover, collected money could be spent on protecting species from becoming extinct. After adopting a new law regarding penalizing everyone who contributed to pollution in Japan, cases of nature contamination significantly reduced; using the budget formed by these fines, the government launched a campaign of breeding animals which are endangered.

Excellent Job!

In conclusion, the reason for the reduction of animals and plants is human-made pollution. If governments apply the system of penalties to punish every polluter, the possible risk of extinction of these species will be definitely mitigated.

Great Conclusion!

Loved reading your essays. I look forward to reading more such essays from you. Bands: 7+. Weakness: Introduction, Articles, a few repetitions, parallelism.

Follow this blog for more such exciting IELTS and PTE essays and like our Facebook Page. Let’s crack English language exams. You can contact us here.

Advertisements

One thought on “IELTS Essay Correction: Number of Animals and Plants Declining.

  1. Pingback: IELTS August 2017 Task 2: Declining Number of Plants and Animals. | ELTEC English

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s