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IELTS Essay Correction: Young Encouraged to Work or Travel Abroad.

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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
40 minutes; 250 words at least.

Answer:

Tourism is a frequently asked topic in IELTS and PTE exams. Here are some other related essays.

Disadvantages of tourism.

Travel alone or in groups.

More people traveling than ever before.

The main purpose of a (Article Usage) study is to know the meaning of life. To know life’s meaning only study class room education is not enough, students need interaction with people and environment. The more the students work and travel, the more they will learn. The interval between completion of high school education and starting university education is crucial because it helps students to decide about their future. So, I think working and traveling between finishing high school and starting university education have more advantages than disadvantages.

Working and traveling between high school and university studies have many advantages (Repetition of a line an introduction. Redundancy). Firstly by working, students can identify their interest about any particular work and this will help helps them to choose subjects in university. Moreover, students can earn money which will help helps them during university study. (Tenses. In hypothetical situations, which you consider as FACTS, prefer using Simple Present Tense.)

By traveling different places, students get ideas about other people lives, their thoughts, different cultures and all these experiences will help (overuse of the word helpenable them to understand the value of life and necessity of study. Students thinking will be changed, they will learn to think differently if they talk and spend time with other people. Students’ thinking changes and they begin to accept people from different cultures.

On the other hand, working and travelling between finishing high school and starting university studies have some disadvantages. University education is very costly and competetive competitive (spellings) and most students rely on scholarship. So instead of working and travelling, if they spend this crucial time by preparing themselves for scholarship, it will be much more beneficial. Moreover during working and travelling, if they mix with bad people or adapt bad habits like such as smoking, drinking, it will ruin their future study. (perfect usage of if…, then… clause.)

In conclusion, I believe working and traveling between high school and university study is very beneficial if students can utilize it properly. But I think six months gap is much more logical than one year. Conclusion is not powerful enough. You can make it better by inculcating the elements of FUTURE and IMPACT. Let me give you an example: In conclusion, working and traveling abroad between high school and a university is a beneficial proposition that helps become youngsters more responsible and mature.

Loved going through your essay. Clear paragraph and sentence structuring. Bands about 7.0. Thank you for sharing.

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