Correcting a student’s essay.
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Another Essay correction: Financial Support to Creative Artists.
These days, governments pay a lot of money to improve the field of
the arts, but however, some people believe that we should invest these funds in improving public services. I agree with this view.
To begin, funding of public services is so important to improve our society and improve
level the quality of our lives. There are several national services should be funded from the responsible authority, such as health benefits, education service, and transportation. Understand the usage of such as: It gives examples of the word it is linked to. For instance, in your sentence, it is linked to responsible authority. Thus, health benefits, education service, and transportation are examples of authority, not services.
Correct sentence: There are several national services such as health benefits, education services, and transportation that governments should adequately fund.
In the recent years, scientists have explored (Tense usage. Present Perfect Tense required here. Wish to know more? Ask in the comments box below.) different diseases that are not diagnosed until later stages, so we must go to a doctor every six months to investigate our bodies
from these diseases to early diagnosis of diagnose these harmful diseases like cancer, diabetes, and viral infection in early stages. Thus, the government should fund this type of investigation to diminish a lot of diseases yet or prevent them.
Education becomes important to acquire different skills to get higher paid work after graduation. In addition to getting a suitable job, it allows graduates to get abroad grants. Also, schools need much money to improve their classes, walls, courts, and tools of learning like computers, boards, and pens. (Can’t see government’s role in this paragraph. Lost context)
The last example that is needed to pay by the governments (Passive Voice) is public transportation. Active Voice: Lastly, the governments need to pay for public transportation.
Some people in our country do not have enough money to buy a private car, so they
get use national buses. Therefore, we must put much and much invest adequate money to become make these buses more convenient and comfortable.
In conclusion, we need to launch more and more funds to increase our level of life instead of employing this money in the arts.
You didn’t mention and discuss anything about government investment in ARTS. Lost context.
Word: 256. Bands = 6.0
Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.