IELTS GT Correction: Ask Friend for a Part-Time Job.

Correcting a student’s essay.

part-time job IELTS PTE.png

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You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter,
• give details of your study plans
• explain why you want to get a part-time job
• suggest how your friend could help you find a job

20 minutes, 150 words.

Answer:

Dear Hassan,

I hope you are and your family is your family and you are doing well. How have you been? (Once you have hoped, no need to ask this question) It is has been too long since we were last in touch.

The reason I am writing you is to let you know that I am coming for to the city that you live London.

Example: I have secured admission to the University of London and will be arriving in your city next month. 

As you know, my departure time is drawing near and I am busy with the preparation. I have enrolled institution called IDP English in London four months intermediate courses in full-time. It’s It is (Avoid contractions in writing module) quit expensive but I am hopeful of improving with my pronunciation especially.

As I want to assist assistance to cover my study cost (Cost = expense; repetition) expenses I would like to find a part-time job especially (word repetition) particularly in the evening, as daytime I am busy with my study since I will be busy with my studies during the daytime.

It’s really important to me to have some time work it’s so much to me because it help me many things, like whether assist me to reduce my expenses or have paid the rent of my recommendation and many things. Badly structured sentence with several mistakes and repetitions. You’ve repeated expenses again. Redundancy.

I would be grateful to you if you could arrange me the work before I arrive in London. I was wondering if you can give me hand to ask some of your friends in town or even your colleagues to see if anyone wants a house cleaner, gardener or keep housing. I believe you have a wide social network in London which you make easy to find anything if you wouldn’t mind I will be grateful to you.

I am looking forward to seeing you soon.

241 words. Sentence structure and paragraph structure need to be improved. Please restrict yourself while writing task 1. 241 words are too much. This may severely restrict your performance in task 2, which is more important. 

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