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IELTS Essay Correction: Smart Phones and Tablets for Entertainment.

smart phones tablets IELTS PTE.jpg

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Nowadays young people are spending most of their leisure time using smart phones and tablets for entertainment. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your own opinion and examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Electronic entertainment devices like such as (“such as” is very different from like.) smart phones and tablets today have occupied/invaded/encroached on/ a major portion of young people spare time. This new trend, in my view, is not desirable and can lead to various problems. (Please mention the problems that you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs. This will make your introduction stronger.)

To begin with, electronic or online entertainment is sedentary and addictive in nature and therefore the youth are less likely to involve in outdoor physical activities potentially leading to various several (avoid repeating words – various) medical problems. For example, a young person can watch videos, play games and talk to relatives thousands of miles away on an iPad or iPhone in the comfort of his room. As a result, he may not get enough time or feel the need to be physically active, which can result in problems like vision impairment, obesity, and arthritis. (very well-written)

Another area of serious concern is young people’s lack of interest in socializing with friends, relatives or even siblings, due to a (article mistake) prolonged obsession with smart phones and similar devices. For instance, many parents today complain that children are not interested in talking to them during their leisure time because they may be are engaged in their favorite computer game, which demands complete attention to the device. Even during meals, some children are glued to their smart devices. This can have a detrimental impact on their socialization skills and lack of sensitivity for people around. (very well-written)

On the other hand, this modern form of entertainment has certain positive aspects too. While on a smart phone young people are likely to watch educational videos, read current news and visit e-learning websites [such as eltecenglish.com? :)] and make their free time productive. Tablets are very helpful in helping enabling (word repetition: help) young children to draw, solve puzzles, and learn a (Article mistake) language. In this way, they can have a fun filled learning experience during their spare time.

In conclusion, smart phones and tablets do have certain benefits for young people in making their leisure time productive. Despite these advantages, their compulsive use would lead to serious physical as well as psychological issues and therefore this new trend, in my opinion, is mostly negative and not desirable. (I love this conclusion)

319 words. I loved reading your essay. Thank you for sharing. You’ve made SIGNIFICANT improvements over the previous essay. Bands = 8.0 or above.

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2 responses

  1. In recent times, it has become a trend to see young people spending most of their time on electronic gadgets like smart phones and tablet. This trend has been discouraged by so many especially the adults but in defense of their action, young people claim that the gadgets not only entertain them, but also keep them informed on global issues. In my opinion, use of electronic devices has its own merits and demerits therefore, usage has to be moderated.
    Just like a popular proverb says, “Too much of everything is too bad”, so also does over-usage of gadgets. Young people now spend productive hours in chatting with friends on social media, playing music or watching movies without any thought of getting engaged in productive activities. By so doing, the man-power of the society is lost. A research conducted in Kenya shows that people who spend more time on their phones are the least productive people within the society. On the same vein, a legislation has been passed by the Kenyan lawmakers, banning the use of phones during productive hours.
    On the other hand, use of phones and tablets have presented us with one particular advantage of easy and cheap access to music. With this, young people will not go all the trying to buy music to get entertained. What they only need to do is to download any music of their choice straight to their phone.
    In conclusion, like i pointed out earlier, the use of gadgets should just be moderated so that while the body, soul and spirit is kept intact using music, productive hours will not be lost.

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  2. Question is about space programms dis and adv

    It has been a source of contention for several years,while some people hold up the idea of spendifng money on space programs, others totally disagree with it and consider it waste of money which i tend to take than stance.
    Firstly we should know thee adv. and disadv. Of such thing to decide which stance we are taking. One adv. of it is widening our gaze and satisfy people’s curiosities about space,astronomy, galaxies and alliens and other creatures of they exist or not. Unravelling such thing(s) have led to more understanding of relative theory of Einstein and perception of “spacetime” and the concept of the time is relative not absolute and it changes according to gravity and other things. For instance if somebody is standing in a place where significant gravity exist the time will pass very slowly, for example if you have a twin and one of you travelled to planet with higher gravity and they met years after that experiment he will be much younger (theoretically)

    On the other hand spending money on education, health issues, increasing the GDP per capita and solving poverty and housing problems will be much more convenient and helpful for developing the country. If we took the health for instance and we improved the infrastructure of health it would be the corner stone for better life for citizens , more life expectancy, less epidemics and it will affect significantly the production of personnel and improve the whole country situation and rank among other countries.
    In conclusion although people stands for spending mone on space programs, others prefer spending it on more useful and constructive programs, Which i personally support.

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