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Nowadays young people are spending most of their leisure time using smart phones and tablets for entertainment. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your own opinion and examples.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Electronic entertainment devices
like such as (“such as” is very different from like.) smart phones and tablets today have occupied/invaded/encroached on/ a major portion of young people spare time. This new trend, in my view, is not desirable and can lead to various problems. (Please mention the problems that you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs. This will make your introduction stronger.)
To begin with, electronic or online entertainment is sedentary and addictive in nature and therefore the youth are less likely to involve in outdoor physical activities potentially leading to
various several (avoid repeating words – various) medical problems. For example, a young person can watch videos, play games and talk to relatives thousands of miles away on an iPad or iPhone in the comfort of his room. As a result, he may not get enough time or feel the need to be physically active, which can result in problems like vision impairment, obesity, and arthritis. (very well-written)
Another area of serious concern is young people’s lack of interest in socializing with friends, relatives or even siblings, due to a (article mistake) prolonged obsession with smart phones and similar devices. For instance, many parents today complain that children are not interested in talking to them during their leisure time because they
may be are engaged in their favorite computer game, which demands complete attention to the device. Even during meals, some children are glued to their smart devices. This can have a detrimental impact on their socialization skills and lack of sensitivity for people around. (very well-written)
On the other hand, this modern form of entertainment has certain positive aspects too. While on a smart phone young people are likely to watch educational videos, read current news and visit e-learning websites [such as eltecenglish.com? :)] and make their free time productive. Tablets are very helpful in
helping enabling (word repetition: help) young children to draw, solve puzzles, and learn a (Article mistake) language. In this way, they can have a fun filled learning experience during their spare time.
In conclusion, smart phones and tablets do have certain benefits for young people in making their leisure time productive. Despite these advantages, their compulsive use would lead to serious physical as well as psychological issues and therefore this new trend, in my opinion, is mostly negative and not desirable. (I love this conclusion)
319 words. I loved reading your essay. Thank you for sharing. You’ve made SIGNIFICANT improvements over the previous essay. Bands = 8.0 or above.
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