IELTS Essay Correction: Strict Punishment for Driving Offenses.

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Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Please go through another student’s essay on the same topic.

In today’s ever competitive world, traveling plays a predominant role. By the increase of vehicles in the society the accidents also increases day by day With increasing number of vehicles on the roads, accidents are increasing day-by-day. In general, some people’s idea is that giving the hard punishments for driving offenses are is (subject is hard punishment = singular; ) the way to decreasing decrease traffic accidents. Whereas, other people believe that some of the other criteria (Which criterion? Be specific in your essay.) would be more effective in reducing accidents as well as improving road safety. In my opinion, I believe that both the factors of giving strict punishments and improving the road safety by widening the roads……etc. help in reducing the traffic accidents.

Initially, the government should give the enforce punishments strictly for the sake of driving without a (articles) license and taking over violating the rules and regulations. These help in the reduction for of the collision of automobiles.

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For instance, a person goes to office every day. In sometimes, traffic jams occur, in that time the person cross the signal and goes to office. If the government leaves him with a simple punishment, he should do this daily. That is why, the government should give very high punishments for driving offences even it is a smaller one. Because, a small reason is sufficient for getting an accident. I get the idea. However, the expression is poor. You could have structured it in a better way. Try rewriting it and share with me.

On the other hand, the other measures like – such as widening the roads, placing the required indication boards for prediction road signs and giving the creating awareness to the among people on driving are necessary to overcome the accident problems. With this also we can reduce the accidents occurrence on roads. (you already wrote this in the previous sentence “overcome the accident problems.”) Then, the related government officers should check every individual vehicle whether it is in a (articles usage) good condition or not? Finally, the people also should be aware of all the traffic rules. These help a lot in decreasing accidents.

To conclude, with the points I mentioned above, I believe that both strict punishment rules for driving offences and some of the other measures like-giving awareness, widening roads, and indication boards play an equal important role in reducing accidents.

315 words. You need to improve sentence structuring to improve your band score. Basically, convey the idea in a lesser number of words.

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4 Comments

  1. balaramakrishna paritala

    sir,
    This is my corrected essay’s rewriting.
    For example, a person goes to office daily at a particular time. In some cases, the traffic jam occurs with the over crowd at that fixed time. If he breaks the traffic rules to go to office, the government should not leave him with a simple punishment. If it is not happens strictly, he will do this again and again. So the government should place large punishments for driving offences even it is a smaller one. Because, a simple reason is enough to get big disaster.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sartaj Singh

    Please merge the sentences and work on the structure:

    For Example, a person goes to the office daily during peak traffic hour and gets stuck in traffic jam. If he chooses to violate (break) the traffic rules, he should be strictly punished to prevent this from recurring. Not punishing the individual may lead to a big but avoidable disaster.

    Like

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