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IELTS Essay Correction: Strict Punishment for Driving Offences – 2.

driving offenses IELTS PTE

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Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Essay:

Please go through another student’s essay on the same topic.

As the world is at high of its rush, it is more common finding cases of violence in traffic incidents of traffic violence are a common sight. Some people think that rules followed by strict penalties for violation are the best methods to reduce the road accidents. Whilst other proponents believe that alternative methods developed, is the effective way to brighten improve the road safety.

In the following essay, I am giving discussions for both the concerns and my opinion as well. (Not writing this line will have no effect on your essay. Redundant.)

Obviously, putting imposing strict rules and huge penalties are the present at most proven & followed measures to deter fatalities, occur in road accidents (sentence is badly structured.)Rephrase: Enforcing strict rules and imposing heavy penalties are proven methods of deterring drivers from committing road rules violations.

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The acts like adding negative points to driver’s license, filing charge sheets against people frequently traffic rules violating people, and temporary cancellation of driver’s license cancelling driver’s license temporarily (Rules of parallelism violation) would be the great solution to make driver’s conscious very drivers cautious. Besides to it, (Wrong usage: besides = in addition to; don’t add “to it” with besides) Moreover, giving imposing huge fines would also be the suggested way to solve problems. My friend, for instance, who got fined a huge amount and which made him wear a helmet in his every ride of his while riding a bike, afterward saved his life during an unfortunate crash.

On the other hand, a repeated violation despite punishment is the an indication of psychological imbalance commitment, where strict punishments alone can never help to cope up with road accidents make a person follow the law. So instead of punishing violated such people, it would be better if they counseled under mental health professionals, which enables one to understand the situation from its roots. Consequently, one never commits any further mistakes again. For example, one of my neighbours, used to drive his car under the influence (of what?) despite of many fines he paid and filed cases against him always as he is a rich person. However, after a keen counselling his mind was changed and never repeated the same again.

To conclude, I believe both the views are important to consider. Because, punishments control maximum people not to commit repeated violations where as alternative ways ruin the problems from the roots when it gets worse by some set of people. Suitable method would be chosen accordingly to its nature of case to face with.

Can you please rewrite the conclusion using the structure we have discussed. Please mention it in the comments box below.

Words 327. Bands = 6.0 to 6.5.

Ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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3 responses

  1. Pingback: IELTS Essay Correction: Strict Punishment for Driving Offenses. | ELTEC English

  2. Conclusion:
    To conclude, if traffic rules are not to be violated, there is a need not only of imposing strict rules and penalties but also of taking alternative measures. Enforcing stringent punishments as well as taking alternative measures like counseling the false committed people, will make our people consciously more responsible.

    I think it is a commonly used phrase.
    What does it mean to be driving ‘under the influence’?
    DWIs and DUIs are usually defined as driving while impaired by alcohol or other legal or illegal substances. BAC of.08% or higher. In all states, it is also a crime to drive with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08% or higher, regardless of whether one’s driving was actually impaired or affected. Felony DUI.

    Liked by 1 person

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