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IELTS Essay Correction: Teach Children to Avoid Junk Food

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Junk_Food IELTS PTE.jpg

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Some people think schools have a responsibility to teach children to avoid junk food. Others think parents have more responsibility regarding the choice of food. Discuss both views and give your advice.
(Recent question on August 2017)

Thank you for sharing a recent IELTS question.

I presented a structure to a similar question in MAY 2017: Children today are not as healthy as in past.

Children ought to be taught to have healthy food from the early years of life. Some believe that school schools (a school) should encourage them to avoid unhealthy junk food whereas others insist that it is the responsibility of parents. Both points of views will be considered here. (Avoid passive voice. Use ACTIVE.)

Children learn many new things each day in school. It is a (Article mistake) school where they are taught to distinguish between what is good and what is not. Hence, teachers should encourage them to follow good (word repetition: good) appropriate things and avoid those that are harmful. May it be avoiding harmful (word repetition: harmful) injurious fast food or maintaining discipline, teachers need to cultivate good (word repetition: good) healthy habits. Moreover, as a large part of the day is spent in school by children (Passive voice. Avoid it.), things tutored here is are carried back home by them (Passive Voice, again). A Swedish study has recently showed shown that children have more impact of their school life than family life schools have a deeper impact on children’s behavior than family as far as the choice of food is concerned.

On the other hand, the role of parents in the upbringing of children cannot be over emphasized under-valued. In spite of the rules they learn in school, they finally decide what should be done based on what their parents pursue them to do. For instance, one of my nephews was well educated about the harms of junk food in his school. However, as his father ran a fast food restaurant, he consistently ended up consuming the same.

To sum up, both the teachers and parents should help children make a (article mistake) proper choice of food. Schools and families should work together to help children avoid unhealthy fast food.

254 words. Well-written. However, there are some mistakes you regularly make. Try avoiding them. Bands = 6.5. You can easily go above 7.5.

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