Correcting a student’s essay
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Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think this is beneficial for the children of these families, while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
In this area of globalization, a large number of families are migrating abroad for better career prospects. Some people believe that this trend has
so many several advantages for children of these families while other disagree. In my opinion migration to other another country is dominantly extremely beneficial.
Those, who are in the favor of shifting to other countries, believe that this not only pacifies materialistic needs but also provides a better quality of life. Researchers have shown that several skilled employees from developing countries, who did not get a simple job in their own country, are doing well-paid jobs in behemoths like Google
in abroad and earning billion of dollars (this is too too much. :)). (Can’t see CHILDREN in this paragraph. Lost Context.)
Moreover, in western countries the standard of education is high. Children not only
will (tenses. keep it Simple Present.) gain practical but practical knowledge as well. Two wheeler Strait of study ???? done by Forbes magazine (Passive Voice) claimed that children who study abroad have more knowledge about practical work as compare to the students who study in developing countries.
Those, who are against migration to other nations, believe that it is extremely expensive to settle in other countries as people have to start from zero. They have to buy everything new, such as a house and a car, in the other country (such as modifies the word it is linked to. In your sentence it gives examples of country and not everything new) such as house, car
and many more. Moreover, children will have no knowledge about culture and tradition of their own country. (No context with the question. Please re-read the question statement.)
In conclusion expecting perfect in an imperfect world is far from being wise, welcoming
it’s its (its vs it’s) positive aspect would be a good thing. Shifting to developed countries is the phase of change and accepting it by reducing its negative effects would be what sensible minds can do. (Conclusion’s context with the essay is not strong: Beneficial or Difficult for children? Please keep it plain and simple. This will fetch you bands.)
261 words. Bands = 6.0
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