IELTS Answer Correction: Countries Becoming Similar.

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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

At several places, you wrote country names with the first alphabet small case. I’ve changed them to upper case. Avoid this mistake.

Our world has become a global village after globalization and import export of goods throughout the world. As a result, people across the world are able to purchase the (article mistake) same kind of things and seem to look more alike. This essay states that this is a positive development due to its ability to create strong international relationships and easy access of to branded items at their own place. (The introduction is fine)

To begin with, the availability of the same kind of products throughout the world depicts harmony among countries. In other words, exporting various items to different countries helps in reducing the conflicts among the nations. To illustrate this, availability of Chinese products in Pakistan shows the better understanding and mutual peaceful relations relationship (Since a relationship is between two people, it is always mutual). Moreover, a person can get a variety of high-quality internationally produced items in their his (subject: a person = singular; pronoun = plural.) home country without going abroad to buy them. Being in a developing country like Pakistan, one can enjoy the top quality imported items of developed countries, such as, Apple phones and Sony laptops etc. (no need of “etc” with such as)

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However, as people of the advanced world prefer to buy branded things, they neglect the locally manufactured goods. Because of this, local retailers get at a loss in selling their locally regionally (Avoid repeating words: local) produced materials that depict the culture of a nation. For instance, the embroidered fabrics and hand made crafts highlight the culture and tradition of Pakistan. When the local community overlook overlooks them and buy buys imported and branded goods, they tend to get away from their culture.

To sum up, although at the cost of loss of Despite loss to local retailers, the sale of similar international branded goods worldwide is a positive development as this ties the countries in a tight bond and makes easy access (of what?) for them at in their home country.

275 words. Bands = 6.5. You can easily score 7.0. 

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