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IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Replacing People – 1.

computer IELTS PTE

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As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing people at more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least

ANSWER:

Please go through another student’s essay on this topic.

Technology plays a key role in the progress of the modern society. It provides us with different gadgets which render work easier. We come across the innovations of science frequently such as computers, cell phone, and others, it (pronoun reference is not clear. For innovations use which) is which are omnipresent. However, it (what has?) has done a great damage to human resources. Especially computers, which are equipped with their own brains are causing a significant loss by stealing jobs, and thus favoring unemployment. (Introduction is too long. 71 words. Should be limited to 50 words. Keep time constraint in mind)

Firstly, Computer is a very complex product of the human brain. It performs multi multiple tasks at a time. Moreover, there are softwares such as Adobe Photoshop, which have lead led to a significant revolution in multimedia. Other factors include the internet, which acts as a catalyst. Due to the effort of technology giants such as Microsoft and Google, the computer has gained a tremendous popularity in recent years. Further more, due to its ability to perform a multitude of works in a very short period of time and the sharp accuracy has lead led to the removal of humans as the crucial assets. (The paragraph is too long and complex. You could have conveyed this idea in fewer words. Brevity is valued in IELTS and PTE exams.)

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As a result, in different sectors such as railways in India, for instance, inconvenience for to the passengers while booking tickets in the past, but . However, eventually, with online booking, computers have solved this issue. Moreover, in banks, people used to do the same to suffer inconvenience in order to withdraw cash but . However, ATMs successfully tackled this problem. So basically, machines have reduced and have replaced human labor as well. Traditional poster painters have also suffered because of the computer. As a consequence, joblessness has surfaced out, in almost every place all over the world. The situation is getting worst with the recent notion of Artificial Intelligence, which is anticipated to replace almost all the jobs requiring technical skills and so more unemployment. It might belittle the importance of human resources humans in future, they . They will not be treated respectfully.

To conclude, indeed, the inclination of people towards computer is growing faster but in the future, it might bring the humanity to a halt. Jobs would be taken over by machines and hence, promoting a restlessness everywhere unless the government takes some action in favor of human humans such as make some rules to promote human resources instead of electronic brainsrestrict the role of computers.

357 words. Bands = 6.5. You need to improve your grammar (pronoun usage, articles) and sentence structure to increase bands to 7.0 or above.

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4 responses

  1. Pingback: IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Replacing People. | ELTEC English

  2. Pingback: IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Replacing People – 2. | ELTEC English

  3. Pingback: IELTS Task 2, PTE Essay: Computers Replacing People | ELTEC English

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