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IELTS Essay Correction: Pay One Parent to take Care of Children.

parents children IELTS PTE.jpg

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Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children. What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.

Here is a similar topic: Parenting Training Course to Bring up Children.

Answer:

It has been suggested that either of the parents of a small child ought to be staying at home and taking care of them the child (a child = singular; them = plural. Pronoun mistake) while being paid for by the government. I believe that this policy will strengthen the bond between the parent and the child but there are also drawbacks to be taken into account. (It’s better if you MENTION the drawbacks in the introduction. EXPLAIN them in the body paragraphs.)

Firstly, one benefit of this policy is strengthening the relationship between the child and his parent. By staying at home, the mother or the father will be able to focus on nurturing their child fully. Hence, the child will grow up feeling close and feel (word repetition: feel) being loved by his parents. Secondly, parents staying at home looking after their child will feel more secure for the safety of their young ones because they do not have to leave their child to a nanny, who is a complete (A stranger is always 100% stranger. No need to add complete.) stranger for both of them. Lastly, this strategy would be very cost-efficient for the parents since they do not need to shell out money to pay for an expensive nanny.

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On the other hand, one problem is that not all parents are built for this kind of responsibility, being a stay at home dad or mom is a full-time job, and not everybody is fit for this. That is why most parents would choose to hire nannies that who (Use that and which only for inanimate things) are qualified and trained for in this kind of job. (When you are under training, use trained for. When you are trained, use trained in.)

Another issue is that some parents would take advantage of the state fund given to them, by just staying at home to receive money and not really committed to taking care of their children and doing it half-heartedly.

In conclusion, while both children and parents can benefit from this regulation, it can also lead to exploitation of the government funds. (Conclusion structure needs to be improved.)

288 words. You need to improve the conclusion and make minor modifications in the introduction. Rest is good for 7 bands. 

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