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IELTS Essay Correction: Living with Friends or Alone rather than with Family.

living alone or with friends IELTS PTE.jpg

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Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer.

In the 21st century, an increasing number of individuals opt to live by themselves or with friends than living residing (live repeated twice) with their families. It has been suggested that this will have a negative effect on the society. However, I strongly disagree with this, because living alone can make an individual attain his highest level of maturity. Furthermore, cooperation trait is built when they him (an individual = singular; they = plural. Wrong pronoun usage.) live with friends, that is beneficial to the society. (71 words. Too long. Restrict it to 50.)

A: Some people contend that living alone, away from their families will negatively affect the community. They claim that this can cause the feeling of isolation that may lead to depression and worst, result in violence. For instance, a person away from his family and living alone, struggling financially and turned to robbery to fulfill his financial needs. Hence, problems in the community will arise from this violence. (A structuring lesson: An example is the end of a POINT and a paragraph. Raise the next issue in the next paragraph and DO NOT add any new line once an example ends.)

B: Another issue is that if they live with they their friends with no parental supervision. They may , they will (if-then construction) act with misconduct such as house party partying until late at night or even playing the radio the loudest loudly. As a result, disturbance to the neighbors will follow. With these reasons, they claimed (who claimed? Your earlier they (pronoun) refers to “people living alone”. Can’t use the same pronoun to refer to someone else.) that living alone or with friends is disadvantageous to the community.

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While you favor people living with friends and alone (in the introduction), A and B present the opposite opinion. The question nowhere states “Discuss both opinions”. You’ve lost context. This will seriously impact your bands.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that choosing to live alone is beneficial not only to oneself but also to the society. Firstly, this will make a person achieve the highest level of his maturity by living independently. A matured individual is what a society needs, maturity entails being responsible and considerate, a character significant in becoming a good citizen A society needs good citizens who are mature, responsible and considerate towards other citizens. Secondly, friends living together will flourish their sense of cooperation and camaraderie, attitudes that are an integral part of an individual as a member of the society. These traits are what the community needs for its people to live side by side harmoniously.

In conclusion, I truly believe that living with their friends or alone will greatly benefit the whole society, as it makes the individual more mature, cooperative, and built a strong sense of companionship that makes a person a good citizen to his community. (the conclusion is fine)

343 words. EXAM: Restrict yourself to no more than 300 words. Complete it in 35 minutes. Use additional 5 minutes to revise.

Ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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2 responses

  1. It is commonly seen that ,Many people give great deal of attention on their friends ,and want to do lots of enjoy , and select to survive their life with them and most of the time, they want live alone sans any disturbances as compared to their parents, In my opinion ,this trend give many negative affect on society I agree with this view point .There are many reasons as well as solutions which I will discuss in the following paragraphs .

    One of the main cause of this is ill-effects if person remain isolated and although with friends without the permission of his family. Many a times ,for alleviate their stress people can fall into bad effects such as gambling ,smoking ,drinking and so on and these type of bad works can lead biggest threat for the community likely , robbery and crime .Apart from this ,with the aid of friends ,people can do lots of enjoy at late night time for instance late night dance at party on DJ but it can creates many disturbance of noise for surrounding people and it also creates violence in society .

    On the other hand , living alone can also become advantages for society ,for example if person live alone then ,he can become self dependent and understand his all responsibilities without family . Not only , person can do his work with great attention without any conditions of family and on peace full place it also has a chance of success and people can live his life according to his choice .

    To sum up , If people live alone then it can create many setbacks for the society and also give bad effects on community and also on next generation so that people should live with their family members hence family can always remain stand in their sorrows and joys and also give help in emergency situations .

    Liked by 1 person

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