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IELTS Essay Correction: Psychological Illness and Physical Disability.

Mental illness psychological IELTS PTE.jpg

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Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless, they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities, The latter being regarded as a taboo subject sometimes. To what extent do you agree with this view?

40 Minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The people with mental illness may not be clear as as visible as people with disability and the people in the society are not accepting the people with disability. (There’s too much repetition of word people. Learn how to write a sentence without repeating words.) Individuals with mental illness may not be as visible as those with a physical disability and the society does not accept psychologically ill people.

In today’s world, the people with psychological illness are forced to admit in into Mental hospitals and centers and they are separated by the people (Passive Voice. Use Active voice always) in the society. I disagree with this to large extent for two reasons and this essay will explain why. Learn how to write an introduction to an agree/ disagree question.

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The main cause of the people to become psychological ill is mainly of the people around them. Psychological illness will come to people who are deeply stressed with their problem, thoughts, and also situation around them and making them seperated isolating them from the society is not the right solution.

For example, my friend’s uncle was psychologically ill for few months, their family stood as a great supporter for him but the people around them stopped talking with him and family but their family greatly supported him and gave him the best treatment. (This sentence is too long. Break it into two to reduce absurdness.)

Later, after 6 six months, he is completely alright and helping the other people who faced the similar situation.

Some people may think that mentally affected people will behave differently in their behavior (word repetition: behave) and cause trouble to the people and this is the main reason neglecting the mentally ill people. But, avoiding the psychological ill people will affect them more and lead to further depression. For example, Annie is a woman affected slightly and when people came to know this, they cornered Annie and she was left alone. At a later stage, her character changed into a negative side and behaved badly to the people. (Not clear ideas. Your ideas are not concrete. Cause trouble? what trouble? Annie affected slightly with what? What negative side? What do you mean by “behaved badly”)

Therefore, the people affected mentally should not be left alone or avoided by the people (Passive voice. Use Active.). Even the motivation of the people can change psychologically affected people into a normal person. The government had has to take steps and should bring awareness to the society so that, all peoples are treated equally.

315 words. Your answer is devoid of facts and concrete ideas. Things are absurd. Structuring is not good. Improve sentence structure as well as essay structure. You have lost context as well. I can’t see much comparison between Physically Disabled and Mentally Disabled. No mention of TABOO. Bands = 6.0 

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