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As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing people at more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
40 minutes, 250 words at least
Some of the jobs which are highly likely to be lost because of technology, these would be discussed in the following paragraphs, along with the problems which associated with this
lose loss. (The introduction is not strong. Please follow the right structure: introductory sentence, mention jobs being replaced, mention problems.)
One of the main
significant job, which might be effected affected with the widespread use of computer is job of taller a teller in the banks because every work can be done by machines (passive voice) in the a short time and no one any person need needs (Subject-Verb disagreement – to understand the mistake and avoid it in the future read this article,) to stand in the line for their his (wrong pronoun usage) work so, in the future, when everybody would be educated then the role of taller is likely to lost totally. (A really long sentence. You need to learn sentence structuring so that this sentence can be divided into two for easy digestion.)
Apart from this, due to the Internet as well as computers another job which is getting affected is the job of a postman because nowadays the Internet is available everywhere and people can send their massages by the aid of a computer and internet
sans any toil, and also these are faster than the postman. Hence, this job position might may be lost in the future. (Need to improve sentence structuring. Please learn the ARTICLE usage.)
Not only these, many
others job other jobs are at the brink of excitation extinction due to computers. A noticeable job is job of industry (??? Not clear). Employees are being lost (Lost to what?) and the major problem which is rising because of this is unemployment. These man-made machines not only do work with greatest and faster way but also requires only one-time investment and little-attention. Therefore, over dependence on these machines to rise their (Whose profits? A pronoun must refer to a noun. I can’t see any noun here.) profits seems to be negative for the living standard of people in these fields.
To sum up, the presence of a computer atworkplacee can not be avoided although these cause certain problems for the society.
That’s way, either we like it or not, we would have to live with such automatic equipment. (Conclusion is not well structured.)
You need to work on several fronts: Grammar (articles, subject-verb agreement), vocabulary and spellings, sentence structure and essay structure.
263 words. Bands = 5.5
Ask any doubts in the comments box below.
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