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IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Replacing People – 2.

computer IELTS PTE

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As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing people at more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least

ANSWER:

Two more students’ essays on this topic: Answer 1; Answer 2.

Some of the jobs which are highly likely to be lost because of technology, these would be discussed in the following paragraphs, along with the problems which associated with this lose loss. (The introduction is not strong. Please follow the right structure: introductory sentence, mention jobs being replaced, mention problems.)

One of the main significant job, which might be effected affected with the widespread use of computer is job of taller a teller in the banks because every work can be done by machines (passive voice) in the a short time and no one any person need needs (Subject-Verb disagreement – to understand the mistake and avoid it in the future read this article,) to stand in the line for their his (wrong pronoun usage) work so, in the future, when everybody would be educated then the role of taller is likely to lost totally. (A really long sentence. You need to learn sentence structuring so that this sentence can be divided into two for easy digestion.)

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Apart from this, due to the Internet as well as computers another job which is getting affected is the job of a postman because nowadays the Internet is available everywhere and people can send their massages by the aid of a computer and internet sans any toil, and also these are faster than the postman. Hence, this job position might may be lost in the future. (Need to improve sentence structuring. Please learn the ARTICLE usage.)

Not only these, many others job other jobs are at the brink of excitation extinction due to computers. A noticeable job is job of industry (??? Not clear). Employees are being lost (Lost to what?) and the major problem which is rising because of this is unemployment. These man-made machines not only do work with greatest and faster way but also requires only one-time investment and little-attention. Therefore, over dependence on these machines to rise their (Whose profits? A pronoun must refer to a noun. I can’t see any noun here.) profits seems to be negative for the living standard of people in these fields.

To sum up, the presence of a computer atworkplacee can not be avoided although these cause certain problems for the society. That’s way, either we like it or not, we would have to live with such automatic equipment(Conclusion is not well structured.)

You need to work on several fronts: Grammar (articles, subject-verb agreement), vocabulary and spellings, sentence structure and essay structure.

263 words. Bands = 5.5

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2 responses

  1. Despite technology leads to an enormous breakthroughs in any aspects of life, like any other thing it also leaves its adverse effect to humans. Computers are now competing to replace people in the workplace. Even though no one is expecting machines to fully run complex organizations without human interventions, but already they significantly reduced the number of workforce needed in particular organization.
    Some of the notable jobs lost to machines include the assembly line of any industry which accounts 60 percent of sources of employment. Waiters, shopkeepers and cashiers are also victims of vending machines. There is no doubt technology significantly contributed the world’s daunting challenge of unemployment. In my office we had three guards which are tasked to screen out the people entering the office compound. Now they are reduced to one after introduced a metal detector which took over the work of the other two guards.
    Again, this led to dying of thousands of manual Skills as they became obsolete due to simplified digital system. For instance, in my school years I have been able solve a lot of basic and complex arithmetic problems including subtractions, additions and multiplications by hand, but as the calculators became easily available, this skill vanished from my mind. The technology took advantage of the nature of human’s low speed of work and limited capacity in calculations and easily exhausting muscles. The ever increasing world’s population and constantly advancing technology added to the complicity.
    To conclude, it is imminent the world will face fresh and more complicated challenges from technology as it modernizes. If not now, the world will be forced to to tackle this imminent challenge any time soon.

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  2. Pingback: IELTS Task 2, PTE Essay: Computers Replacing People | ELTEC English

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