Checking a student’s essay.
The pie-charts give information about the proportion of three different sources that were used to produce electricity in four different countries – India, Sweden, Morocco, and Vietnam – from 2003 to 2008.
20 minutes, 150 words.
The pie charts depict the three sources of electricity in Sweden, India, Morocco, and Vietnam between 2003 and 2008.
Overall it is clear that Clearly, (Brevity.) both Vietnam and Morocco did not use nuclear power. Between 2003 and 2008 During this period, Morocco depends depended (Tense mistake. Use past tense only.) on the renewable resource in energy production having a majority of (Use either 95 percent or majority) 95 % percent of the total electricity produced was from hydro power while only 5 % percent of energy was generated from fossil fuels. Meanwhile, in Vietnam, a fairly similar percentage of fossil fuel and hydro power were the main sources of energy in this country accounting for 56% and 44 % percent respectively. (Do not use % sign, write percent) Turning to India and Sweden, Although both India and Sweden they both utilized nuclear power for electricity, Sweden had the highest usage (The question is on production, not consumption) at almost half of the total proportion of the electricity source compared to a minority of 4% figure in India. Furthermore, in India, 82% of the total energy was from fossil fuel in contrast to 4% of in Sweden. Lastly, hydropower contributed 52% of the total energy source in Sweden which was greater than India by 38% in number. (Please write percent in place of % sign.)
172 words. A lot of redundancy. You can simplify the sentences to make a better impact. Bands = 6.5
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