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IELTS Essay Correction: Death Penalty for Murderers.

Death Penalty IELTS PTE

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By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Not less than 250 words. 40 minutes.

Answer:

Without question, the crime of murder is an act of malevolence and can be really terrifying. It is often believed that the by giving murderers death sentence, the society should be held responsible of involving in killing people. As a consequence, life in prison has been seen as a preferable penalty for murderers. While I am partially persuaded that this should be adequately appropriated in the society today, I also believe that death is the better punishment for murderers in some extreme cases. The following paragraphs will elaborate reasons to support my position with relevant examples. (No need to write this line. It’s obvious. The introduction is too long. Make it short.)

Firstly, putting murderers in prison will help to support investigations done on similar perpetrators of the crime. This is very possible (Something is possible or impossible. If it is possible, you can’t give it a percentage or grade it.) if these murderers are thoroughly scrutinized and interrogated while in prison. It will assist law enforcement agencies to arrest other murderers and people committing similar crime. For instance, in 2005, South Africa law enforcing authorities were able imprison (imprison = apprehend) to apprehend more murdered and crime doers by absolutely scrutinizing initial murderers in their custody. (Some unnecessary words here. Please avoid them.)

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In addition, when murderers are kept in prison, it makes them to be more remorseful of their past atrocities. Contriteness comes when murder prisoners are being separated from family, relatives, and friends for a very long time. After several torturing and hard labor in the prison, most murder prisoners feel intense remorse for their previous crimes (This is a repetition of the first line. Redundancy.). For the past two decades in Ghana, it has been reported by the local media (passive voice) the local media has reported that prisoners that who serve long-term sentences with difficult hardship turn out to be better and improved individuals after being released. (91 words. Too long. Could have easily written this in about 70 words.)

However, punishing murderers with a death penalty can serve as a deterrent to other persons involved in the same crime. When the executive system of government actively implement implements this type of punishment, people become scared and as a result, they become more hesitant to be involved in future crime. In Nigeria, for example, cases of ritual killing have dramatically decreased from twenty percent to five percent since this was implemented declared an offense punishable with death three years ago. In fact, the rate of these killings decreased sharply from twenty percent to five percent.

In conclusion, the killing of people for selfish interests still remain remains the bane of the society today. In most cases, life in prison is a preferable punishment for murderers, although, in some very bad situations, a death sentence is a better choice, thus the society cannot be guilty of killing people.

392 words. Analysis: You English language is fine. However, writing more than 300 words hurts you in two ways: It wastes time (takes more than 40 minutes) and exposes your mistakes. The more you write, the more you are exposed. The introduction is too long. Make it short. You’ve written three body paragraphs and three examples. Please restrict yourself to not more than two examples.

Bands = 7.0. You can score more by reducing your word count. BREVITY. 

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One response

  1. Many believe that life imprisonment as punishment for murderers is ideal than the death penalty because it makes the society no different from murderers if they will be sentenced to death. I agree that the former is the best option as it gives the offenders a second chance to turn their life around.

    Life sentence for murderers is a better option as a punishment. For the simple reason that by being inside the prison cell for a long time will act as a deterrent for criminals to offend again. Being locked up and away from the society gives them time to think things through about the ramifications of their criminal acts. This may make them come to a realization and to not to re-offend again if ever they will be released.

    Another reason why lifetime imprisonment for criminals who commit murder is ideal because inside the prison there are many rehabilitation and different kinds of educational activities provided to them. With these, prisoners will be re-educated and be instilled with moral values that will promote their humanity. As a result, they may change their attitude and outlook in life and repent from their crimes, hence making them a better person and prove themselves again that they can be a good citizen of the society.

    In conclusion, a life sentence is the best punishment for murdered instead of the death penalty as they will be rehabilitated and educated while serving their time in prison. This gives them a second chance in life and to change for the better.

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