IELTS PTE Essay Correction: Animal Rights – 1.

Animal rights IELTS PTE

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Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through my answer on this topic and that of a student.

Answer:

Animals should be of benefit to humans. (Both the sentences have the same meaning. Repetition.) Although, many people will be of the opinion that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit. (Incomplete sentence. Correct Construction: Although X, Y) (The introduction is too short and does not contain proper structure. Please go through my answer above to learn the structure.)

However, in terms of people using animals for their own benefit, it has its own using animals for human’s benefit has both positives and negatives. In terms of sports, humans over the years have used animals to make a substantial amount of money, example (Dog and Horse racing) (Do not use parenthesis – brackets – in your answer). Furthermore animals like cow, goat, lamb, ram are being reared for sale and for food. In terms of agriculture, humans have benefitted from the use of animals like such as cattles cattle (cattle is a pronoun), as they are still being used for subsistence farming in some parts of Nigeria, as they are being used (Repetition. Do not use two reasons in the same sentence.) to plough plow through the farm to create ridges for their crops. The animals (feaces feces) serve as manure which is being used to make their crops grow faster increases agricultural productivity.

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On the other hand, the rights of animals should also be protected because there are some  (Some = Certain) certain animals going becoming extinct because of human invasion interference. For example, elephants are being killed for their tusks; tigers, snakes, and crocodile are being killed for their skin. Currently, because of this invasion human greed, there is only one remaining white rhino left in the world. Meanwhile, some other animals are being killed to be used as trophies which is not right (the examiner knows that the entire paragraph is devoted to this theme “which is not right”. Need not say this.). Of course rights of animals should be protected in other to keep the animal population figures in check, that way it will be able to curb the rate at which certain animals are going extinct. Repetition of the first line. Redundancy.

In my opinion, animal rights should be protected because it will help the animal population grow enormously. For example, Pandas were almost extinct sometime in 2014, but due to the necessary rights granted to these animals in, Pandas were being protected and today, Pandas are no longer on the verge of extinction, the numbers are growing higher by the day because they are living and reproducing naturally in the normal habitat. Examples are meant for body paragraphs only. The conclusion has its own structure. Please follow that. For more, go through my answer.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments section.

Here is a student’s essay on this topic along with corrections. Let us learn from each other’s mistakes.

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One Comment

  1. Godswill

    Animal protection is a subject that has generated a whole lot of debate in recent times. It is indeed important to note that while proponents of animals’ right protection believe that animals can go into extinction if not protected, opponents, like myself, view it as an unnecessary cost in the society.
    To begin with, it is only in developed climes that one can hear of protection of animals. This is not obtainable in developing and undeveloped countries. The government of developed countries, in a bid to save endangered animals from extinction, have put into place laws that can preserve animals’ lives. Just recently, due to the depleting population of cows in Italy, the Italian government has banned the slaughtering of cows during festive periods.
    On the other hand, the government of undeveloped countries have so many cogent responsibilities to shoulder, therefore, animal protection is not yet an issue to the governments. For example, citizens of most African countries rely on selling of animals to make ends meet. Nigeria for example, is a large exporter of cattle and suggesting rights of cattle to be protected is not a pressing issue to the government.
    Finally, many people have many reasons of doing things. While some people accept the fact that animals have a right that should be protected, others view as something that should be put in place after they have achieved their basic needs.

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