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IELTS Essay Correction: Development of Technology Causes Traditional Ways of Life to Die Out.

Traditional Skills IELTS PTEImage Courtesy: Pxhere.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Please read the structure of this essay HERE.

Every country has its own traditions and ways of living. It is very important to keep traditions to help younger generations to know about their countries country’s history. However, when a country improves its technology, the traditional skills and way of living changes change automatically. I partially agree with this statement (Which statement? You never mentioned “It is pointless to keep them alive”). I believe that both the technology and traditional skills are required for a (Article missing) country’s growth.

Initially, every country tries to develop its technology. Because the improvement in technology gives a lot of benefits to a (Article missing) nation. (Both these sentences should be linked. Otherwise the latter sentence is incomplete.)

Moreover, (You’ve not stated the first benefit yet. How can you use Moreover?) it reduces the time requirement to required for a particular work and gives more productivity. For instance, in the past, farmers use used animals and some of the iron equipment to make for cultivation and transportation facilities. After the improvements in technology, nowadays, they use automobiles for farming and transportation purposes. It gives the productive time to work. This has improved the productivity of farmlands.

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On the other hand, the traditional skills and ways of living also play an important role in a (Article missing) country’s growth. (You have not explained the first point (growth), you have raised a new point.) So that people remember their old skills and way of living. Without the past things, we might not develop our technology because they are the basic things to make growth in every country. (Vague sentence. Repetition of first two sentences.) There also

There also lot of uses by keeping our past skills alive. By using them, there is no heavy pollution. (You need to learn how to create a complex sentence by merging two simple sentences.) Furthermore, it gives quality product output. The lands also have good strength for farming.

NOTE: You’ve raised several points explaining the benefits of traditional skills. However, you have explained none of them. This will cost you bands in the exam.

To conclude, a country also develops its technology, by keeping the traditional skills and ways of life alive a country can develop technology while maintaining traditional skills and ways of life. I believe that these both are required to for a nation to improve grow sustainably.  Because the two have their individual importance on a nation. (The sentence is vague and makes little sense.)

261 Words. Bands = 5.5 to 6.0

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