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IELTS Essay Correction: Modern Communication Technology and Social Relationships.

communication technology IELTS PTE

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Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

It has been claimed that the cutting-edge communication technology has an adverse effect on the social connections of an individual. I agree because this may lead to misunderstanding, isolation to oneself, and losing the value of real friendship. (38 words. Perfect! Mentioned the reasons supporting your opinion.)

The modern way of interacting or communicating with others such as text messaging and online chatting have has (the subject is modern way, a singular) undesirable effects towards a person’s social relations. First and foremost Firstly, this can cause misunderstanding between two people. To illustrate, by just sending a simple text message, the receiver might not understand fully what he reads because it has no emotion or tone and cannot see the facial reaction of the sender. As a result, misinterpretation of the message will happen, hence creating a (Article mistake) misunderstanding between them.

Another issue of the modernized way of communication is that it Secondly, modern communication (11 words replaced with 3. There was a LOT of redundancy in the sentence. BREVITY.) can make an individual be isolated from the society. Since he would be staying at home chatting online of and sending emails to his friends. Thus, his social interaction with other people is less, consequently reducing his socializing skills that may lead to isolation and be distant distance from others. (Rule of Parallelism violated. Please go through my article on parallelism.)

Finally, advancement of communication can exploit the true meaning of friendship. Many had have (Please understand the difference between Present Perfect and Past Perfect tense.) experienced scam and extortion from the people they meet online. This has been the new modus of criminals online (repetition of the word: online), befriending their potential victim by building and gaining their trust on social media. After that, this victim is conned to send money, only later they will realize that they had been scammed.

In conclusion, I believe that this progression is detrimental to people’s social connection relationships and therefore, people should be cautious in utilizing this advanced technology of communication. (Conclusion is fine. Not too powerful. Please go through THIS ESSAY’s CONCLUSION and try writing a better conclusion in the comments box below.)

266 words. 

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