IELTS Essay Correction: Education is Important for Success in Life.

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Some people believe that education is important to achieve success in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. 

(Not less than 250 words… 40 minutes)

ANSWER

Indubitably, we cannot overemphasize the role of education in the achievement of success in our society today. Certain persons are of the opinion that education is indeed vital to one’s fulfillment in life. In my view education grants individuals a sense of value among in the society and gives persons them the opportunity of being employable. However, in some situations, focusing more on one’s talents and passion brings success(Excellent that you have MENTIONED some of the reasons supporting your view.)

To start with (You have already started with introduction), education offers individuals a sense of value in today’s society. Most people in the society (word repetition: society), especially the unlearned illiterate, respect persons that who are highly educated. To these persons (Word repetition: persons), the hallmark of one’s life is when an individual pursues a career in a chosen field and attains it. In Africa, for instance, people hold firmly to this believe belief, hence parents often strive to render their children quality education. (Avoid word repetitions. Learn pronoun usage – who vs that.)

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In addition, individuals are employable when they are highly educated. When persons (Please try a different word) are educated to a significant extent in important careers such as medicine, engineering, and law, they stand a good chance of having a relevant reliable source of income. Success, to a degree, can be defined as when individuals are handsomely paid in the organizations they work for. For example, engineers in England earn as high as two million dollars annually.

However, in some scenarios, people succeed in life when they focus more on their passions and engage in their talents. The famous Argentine footballer, Lionel Messi, did not partake in the basic primary and secondary education. However, he has gained mastery of the sport by practising and doing intense training right from his tender a young age. He is known to be indeed successful as he is the richest footballer till date.

I’ve not mentioned this correction in the essay: Whenever you use “HOWEVER”, please start a fresh sentence and use a comma after however. “However, ……”

In conclusion, while education is cardinal universally because it commands people’s respect and brings job opportunities, I still believe focusing on individual endowments and passion will go a long way to accomplishment and fulfillment in life.

311 words. Great job. Bands = 7.0+

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