PTE IELTS Essay Correction: Travel Necessary to Learn About Other Nations.

travel ielts pte

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Some people think that travel is necessary to learn about other nations. Others, however, think that TV and the Internet are the best ways to learn about other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through my answer HERE and another student’s essay HERE.

Answer:

Whether it is the Arctic or the Antarctic, the Himalayas or the Alps, the Amazons or the Sahara deserts, exotic attractions like these always sound exciting for to new visitors. While some people think we can effortlessly learn some knowledge a lot (knowledge includes the word learn) about foreign countries and destinations through TV and the Internet, I believe that it is the traveling experience to these places would give us the thorough and true taste of their beauties.

On the one hand, those who argue T.V and the Internet are the best ways are mainly convinced by the abundance of information (passive voice. Prefer active.) and easy access these tools provide. The proponents of television and the internet believe that easy access to these instruments and abundance of information enable people to learn about other countries. 

Indeed, the inventions of TV and the Internet both revolutionized common folks’ capabilities to visually explore the outside world. Very recently, the popularity of the Internet-based social media such as Facebook or and Youtube has broadened (tense mistake. Can’t be in the past tense.) human beings’ vision on other nations another step further with its great easiness and social nature(Avoid a few words to write in fewer words.)

So, with all these development in information technology in hand, it is natural to think we deserve the time as well as the energy to be saved by simply sitting on the couch and exploiting them. (this sentence is unnecessarily weird and complex) Consequently, these developments in information technology save time to understand the global developments.

On the other hand, those who insist travel is a better choice firmly believe that it is the personal experience that matters when it come comes (Subject-verb agreement) to getting to know knowing another country (Again, there are seven redundant words).

While enjoying the comfort and convenience by staying at home, you are also losing your chance to personally and physically expose yourself to another culture, which could be totally different. Your ideas could have been better expressed as: Unlike the television and the Internet, traveling exposes a person to local culture and teaches how to embrace diversity. 

For example, westerners who have been to China often hold different views on certain issues such as food and security from those who would just indulge themselves in news report on this country. Admittedly, once we visit a country in person that we have only been hearing of, we tend to change our ideas on it, which has been proved true by many people’s experiences (Please avoid passive voice.).

No matter how advanced and sophisticated information technology has become, TV views or the Internet browsers would always be left out of touch of true exotic joy. (27 words only. Please work on the conclusion and write between 40 and 50 words.)

337 words.

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