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IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction: Crime Has Increased All Over The World.

Criminal Volatile Police Cop Crime Chase Did

Image Courtesy: Max Pixel.

Reports are showing that crime has increased all over the world and many people believe that nothing can be done to prevent it, while others disagree. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through my answer HERE.

Answer:

It has become a worrisome trend in recent times on at the rate at which crime increases globally. (Sentence structure is NOT GOOD. Rapidly increasing crime rate has become a worrisome trend throughout the world.)

It is also believed that with this trend, that the whole world will go into doom in no distant time. The question at the center of this issue remains, what can be done to reduce crime rate? (Redundant line) While it sounds strange to some people that crime can be mitigated, if not totally eradicated, others are of the opinion that if public education and proper governmental policies are put in place, the crime rate will decrease and to a large extent be prevented (Passive voice. What can be prevented? Crime rate? The subject “Crime” does not exist in the sentence.) as well. (97 words. This is too long. 30 percent of your total words.)

An African proverb says that prevention is better than cure, so also is the case of crime prevention. We now live in an age where the government of nations only find finds ways to enrich themselves dubiously instead of upholding the core governmental duties of which crime detection and prevention is are cardinal. When adequate measures such as punishment of offenders are put into place by the government (Passive Voice. Prefer Active.), this will go a long way into discouraging prospective offenders. In the political scene of For instance, in Nigeria, the legislature has passed a bill seeking to kill anyone found guilty in of acts such as kidnapping and child rape.

Also, the general public needs to be educated on the negative effects of committing a crime as some people are truly ignorant of the law. In most developing countries, the level of literacy is very low and this speaks volume of what to expect from the nation in terms of the general conduct of the populace. Many undeveloped nations still have people that practice jungle justice and they do this without knowing the implications. (The question is not on the reasons that cause crime. It is on PREVENTING CRIMES. No context.)

In conclusion, the government as well as the masses are the ones to mitigate and prevent crime in a society, therefore, this brings an end to the question (redundancy – these words lack meaning) of whethe the crime can be prevented or not. (Bad Conclusion.)

You’ve missed articles at a few places: the crime rate; the government; crime.

306 words.

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One response

  1. Pingback: IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction: Crime Has Increased All Over The World – 2. « ELTEC English

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