“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree?
IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.
All Every country’s (All = plural; country = singular; every = singular) population‘s health plays a significant role in their its (Singular-plural mistake) countries (the country’s) overall development. If people of a country are unhealthy, it would effect (Learn the difference between Affect and Effect.) affect the wealth of that country. I agree with this given statement because health education and preventive measures are an amazing way to keep people healthy, instead of spending the budget amount on their (who is their?) health treatment. (57 words.)
Firstly, cost of medical care is too high both for individuals and governments. Sometimes, the majority of population
are is poor and the government budgets are government’s budget is in deficit. Providing health to people Maintaining public health using preventive measures (expression of the idea is weak) is very extremely cost-effective because people would be aware of risks and causes of health diseases. Hence, they use methods in prevention of diseases. It helps people not only in making body aseptic but also it reduce in reducing medical bills (Rules of parallelism violated). For instance, in the polio eradication programme the government has been using various method methods of health education such as by broadcasting advertisements at on television, radio, (Oxford comma) and printing in newspapers about the polio vaccination date so that people should go to vaccination booths with their child. It eradicates the polio disease at big to a large extent in the India. (121 words.)
Secondly, nowadays, many people
are using have a sedentary lifestyle and that people they are the most vulnerable to many health diseases such as obesity, hypertension, and diabetes and so more. So, health education is beneficial for those these (wrong pronoun) people because these diseases take lots of money in maintaining the health of a person and it they (they = these diseases) (Wrong pronoun) also indirectly affect the budget of a country which they (to which noun does “they” refer to?) would use in their growing country’s development. For example, the Delhi government has been making building more parks with gym machines in residential areas . So, so that people can go anytime in these parks for exercises and it also help helps people to stay fit in their daily life. (104 words.)
To conclude, benefits of health awareness and preventative measures prior to spreading diseases in susceptible areas
is outweigh any post-facto measures. The government should come in front for more health related education programmes and provide more facilities in rural areas so that the people of backward areas also aware of health education. (Rewrite this conclusion using if ….. then …… clause.) (48 words.)
330 words. Your mistakes mostly relate to wrong pronoun usage, parallelism, articles, subject-verb agreement, and vocabulary. Paragraph length is fine. Best Wishes.
Are you’re looking for help in writing a powerful Statement of Purpose? Contact us NOW!