IELTS Essay Task 2 Correction: People Watch Similar Films, Advertisements, Music And Fashion – 1.

Fashion IELTS PTE

Image Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons – Carolina Herrera

Nowadays people from different countries watch and enjoy similar films, advertisements, music, and fashion. Do you agree or disagree? What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Please read the sample answer as well. Here is a 7 bands response from another student.

It is undeniable Undeniably/ undoubtedly, that in recent years, people of different country countries follows follow the same interests in movies, advertisements, musics, and fashions. I agree with this statement because it plays a significant role to understand in understanding different country lifestyles and cultures. I write some merits and demerits of this development. Don’t write this. The examiner knows you will mention both advantages and disadvantages. (43 words.)

On the one hand, this growth of same likes build builds a sense that we live in the global world, which has no boundaries, people live freedomly freely and adopt new lifestyle fearlessly (parallelism violated. Which has A, B, and C. Discuss with me.). Firstly, individuals can learn vivid (languages are never vivid) languages, cultures from televisions. Various channels of countries broadcast regional channels of country in which they show their country local culture, music, and lifestyle (word repetition: country). It help helps other country people to foreigners understand another country native culture easily (too much country). Secondly, music also help helps to gain more knowledge about new vocabulary and pronunciation of different language sentences and phrases. Thirdly, Advertisements and fashions also put a large impact on people lives so that overwhelmingly individuals have adapt adapted (verb form) different lifestyles such as most younger persons adapt foreign culture dramatically. Hence, they start wear weating foreign dresses for look beautifully beautiful and live fashionable. (124 words. Word repetition. Subject-verb agreement. Parallelism.)

On the other hand, sometimes, movies and fashions of various country countries shed a wrong affect on youngsters. Consequently, they start abnormal behavior such as violence in their country and it affects the same country peace. This disturbs peace and harmony of a society. Furthermore, some people adapt adopt other country foreign lifestyle and abondon own country culture and history. It affects identity of the country This seriously hampers the unique identity of an individual. For instance, people start living in foreign nations a many years ago, so that new generations forget about own country traditions which affects the people real identity. Not a strong example. Discuss with me. (82 words. Repetitions. Adapt vs Adopt.)

To conclude, it is true that merits of …….. outweigh demerits. Moreover, if people start to know and learn other country languages and culture through these things, then, it saves will save a lot money which people spend for travel to know other country lifestyle (wrong if …., then ….. clause usage.)(41 words. Conclusion is out of context. Lost context.)

words = 290.

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