Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Task 2 Correction: People Watch Similar Films, Advertisements, Music And Fashion – 2.


Image Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons – Carolina Herrera

Nowadays people from different countries watch and enjoy similar films, advertisements, music, and fashion. Do you agree or disagree? What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.


Please go through the sample answer as well. Here’s another student’s answer.

As, we are in the dawn of an era of globalization which provides a common platform to flourish similar films, advertisements, music, and fashion (With As this sentence is incomplete). I certainly agree that it has advantages as an equal opportunity of economic development for all the countries. However, it has drawbacks such as people are loosing  losing the charm and beauty of their enriched culture and they are moving towards the glamorous and oblivious western world. (75 words. A bit long introduction.)

One the one hand, people from different walks of life are enjoying the similar films, advertisements, music, and fashion which provide an enormous growth to their lifestyle lifestyles and a phenomenal growth in the GDP (Rules of parallelism violated). For instance, India is a developing country and the western trend is very (don’t use very with significantly) significantly welcomed throughout the country. Moreover, it has been observed that people who follow the western world are more economically financially (word repetition: economic) sound and progressive in nature which leads to the economic development. (75 words.)

On the other hand, people are not consciously thinking about their ancient culture and traditions which have astonishingly deeper roots in the history. Nevertheless, this nuance development is seemingly eradicating the old religious believes beliefs with a new western mode influence.

For example, in India, all the metropolitan cities have been modernized with this occidental lifestyle which leads to the destruction of traditions and a clash of ideas which becomes the societal issues which provide the sparks to the religious conspiracies. (Poorly structured sentence. Too much usage of whichFor example, in India, all metropolitan cities have been modernized with occidental lifestyles leading to the destruction of traditions and a clash of ideas. This often sparks religious and ethnic conflicts.

(76 words.)

In conclusion, as the western world works on logic and reasoning which is are not the case with followed in other parts of the world (Incomplete sentence). Moreover, it is also essentially important to intact keep the traditions and cultural values intact. In future, the western world might be the new way of life. (44 words.)

Total Words = 270 words. Bands = 7.0. You can easily graduate to 8.0. Best Wishes.

Please feel free to ask any follow-up questions in the comments box.

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