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IELTS Essay Correction: Gym and Sports Club Membership for Employees

gym and sports club membership IELTS PTE.jpg

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Some employers offer their employees membership of gyms and sports club, believing that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.

Answer:

Employers are always seeking to enhance their employee’s productivity and subsidizing health pursuits is maybe one way of achieving one of the ways to achieve this. There are arguments on both sides, however, which I will discuss in following paragraphs.Instead of writing this sentence, prefer MENTIONING the reasons supporting both views. Note from my Writing Task 2 essays and discuss personally with me. (33 words. The introduction is too short. Make it 40 to 50 words long.)

On one hand, it might be said that workers need to be fitter and less stressed which will lead to higher levels of output. It can also be argued that Moreover, the work-life balance of the staff will hopefully be improved reason being their since leisure time will be more fulfilling. This maybe even more motivating than pay increments, perks or financial rewards such as bonuses or incentives. Finally, feeling healthier could lead to better job satisfaction which is in itself an encouraging factor. (81 words. Well written. Length is perfect.)

Conversely, the problem with such leisure subsidies is that their efficacy is virtually impossible to quantify. For example, with target related payments, employers can at least see whether the objectives are reached or not. If this budget was spent on the job training or day release programs, the employees would achieve better career progressions progression and have better enjoy brighter job prospects (Parallelism violated). These matters are all easier to measure, specially especially in performance reviews and appraisal and may even help to reduce the risk of redundancy if the company downsizes or outsourcing its workforce. Okay, I see why performance appraisal is helpful (which is NOT our topic) and can’t see why gym and sports club membership are NOT helpful (which is our topic) LOST CONTEXT. (90 words. Length is fine.)

Overall, it seems that, while health-related subsidies are superficially attractive, the their lack of measurability is a substantial drawback. Spending funds on ongoing training would appear to be a better use of the company. company’s resources. (32 words. Please make it 40 to 50 words long.)

Total Words = 232 words. Short of words despite really good ideas and perfect body paragraph length.

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