IELTS Essay Correction: Money Can Bring Happiness.

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People think that money can bring happiness. However, having more than enough money leads to problems. Do u agree or disagree?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

Money plays a significant role in the every human being‘s life. However, individuals Some people believe that money can buy purchase several things objects which give them happiness. Yes, I agree but money cannot bring everything such as internal satisfaction I partially agree with this statement since it cannot buy sublime things such as internal satisfaction, friendship, love, morals, and values. The surplus Rather it brings on a feeling of insecurity and inequality in society. (47 words. Please do not use weird synonyms for money – surplus. Try using pronouns.)

Firstly, money can fulfill every person’s desires and basic needs such as food, shelter, and clothes. While, if someone has excess money and he wants to see the world, he will surely travel the global which makes him glad happy. In contrast, excess money cannot buy true friends and relatives, with whom the wealthy a person can share their his internal feelings. Hence they , which makes them feel gloomy. Furthermore, if a person has wealth but not healthy body. consequently, he cannot utilize those luxury facilities luxuries such as delicious foods and modern homes as a result of unhealthy body (repetition). It leads to unsatisfaction of mind because an unhealthy person has a need of for sound health. (104 words. Try connecting sentences to make them a bit more complex.)

Undoubtedly, extra money accelerates a feeling of inequality among different sections of the society people. For instance, the children of rich person utilize more facilities than poor people children those of poor people, which brings on an inferiority feeling in poor children. Moreover, unwealthy individuals the marginalized people want more facilities in their lives so that they can start commit often choose the path of crimes such as theft, murder, and riot in the society either to fulfill their material wishes or to express dissatisfaction with the society. Hence, wealthy people feel unsecured and they always feel a threat of theft of their money. (74 words.)

In conclusion, If the wealthy people start helping the poor people, this change will surely fulfill both persons desires. They both will feel satisfied in their life. In addition, the government should enact legislation against crimes and provide desired jobs to unemployed individuals so that they can live a better life with happiness and satisfaction. (Design the latter part of the conclusion to fit with the essay question: …enact legislation for equitable distribution of wealth among all sections of society to prevent dissatisfaction and promote peace, harmony, and happiness.(52 words. the Conclusion is well-written.)

Total Words = 277 words. Bands = 6.0 to 6.5.

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