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Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.
Please go through another student’s essay correction HERE.
Undeniably, the advanced technology of computers is accelerating rapidly all over the world
, thus, . (Don’t use thus in the introduction. This word is meant for concluding a discussion/ idea.) Some individuals state that computer skills is are also obligatory in elementary schools and enables (Parallelism violated. Obligatory is an adjective. Enable is a noun.) these skills enable children to get score higher grades in education, and provides basic skills for a bright future. (41 words. Optimum length.)
Firstly, the computer education is
most important to for children in during the early years of education. This enhances their abilities to for creative thinking (to think creatively) and problem-solving (to solve problems) ideas which helps help children in better cognitive development in younger at a young age. Furthermore Since, a computer has several features such internet websites, powerpoint, and excel, it also empowers students to improve their academic performance due to a better understanding of computer skills and other subjects such as Mathematics, Hindi, and English , since, a computer has several features such internet websites, powerpoint, and excel (placed above to create a better sentence structure.). It helps students visualize, think, and understand subjects. (79 words. Optimum length.)
Secondly, adding computer science
in at an elementary level mean sharpens children’s basic technology skills of computer familiarity with devices in early years, and it builds a strong foundation of for students, and prepares (sharpens, prepares and builds are parallel. This makes your sentence stronger.) them for higher education and future. For instance, many affluent countries are becoming digital , since they add by adding computer skills courses in the schools and offices (Can’t add skills in schools and colleges. Logic.). They want their citizens to have knowledge of computer and use digital devices in everyday life so that they can help in the country‘s development. Moreover, governments of many nations construct smart classes in schools , the that help students may learn from online since online websites have enormous data information and knowledge which to help them in academic years as well as in career development days. (108 words.)
In conclusion, if pupils have knowledge of computer skills in younger years, they not only become brilliant students in academic years but also reliable and confident citizens of a nation. This will definitely help a country to become
digital digitally and economically stable. (42 words. Optimum length. Great conclusion.)
Total Words = 270 words. Bands = 6.5.
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