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Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.
habitants people advice advise (not a noun, but a verb) that technical competencies computer education should be included to mainstream in elementary education school syllabus (An advice – noun – Please use non-complex words. Avoid unnecessary complexity. Let us discuss this over the phone.). I certainly agree with this statement because it has cardinal benefits such as firstly, knowledge of the Internet and it’s its (its vs it’s) usage in daily life . Secondly, it enhances the level of , and curiosity amongst students. (Such as X and Y: X and Y in the same sentence without using firstly or secondly.) (46 words. Length is optimum.) (technical is not same as computer)
On the one hand, the acceptance of the
technical teaching computers as a major subject will allow students to grasp undergo practical training. It has been observed that students having technical skills knowledge of latest computer software/ operations are more vibrant and calibrated (wrong word usage. Caliberated = A carefully measured plan.) as compared to others the one’s (ones) who doesn’t has. For instance, in India, we have observed (Repetition from the previous sentence) that there is a particular set of people who had progressed exponentially and the reason is the access to the computer skills at the school level (This is devoid of all the elements of an example. This is a statement disguised as an example.). (75 words.)
On the other hand, technology provides the curiosity to learn new subjects, ideas, and concepts
and much more. Furthermore, children collaborate with their friends for online recreational activities like such as online gaming, quiz, (Oxford Comma) and some other contests. For example, in the United States, recently a study has been published which enlighten us with several benefits of gaming such as it increases the increased blood flow in our body which enhances the level of dopamine , it is – a kind of fuel for the human brain. (This looks like an example. Facts. Names. Dates. Numbers.) (77 words.)
To conclude, the computer skills should be a fundamental subject in the education curriculum as it has only advantages to offer to the
future next (avoid repeating words – future.) generations. In future, it might be possible that a computer will over rule the human brain and social values (Can’t see any link with the essay.). Nonetheless, it is one of the best inventions of the 21st century. (54 words. You need to learn the art of writing a powerful conclusion)
Total Words = 252 words. Bands = 6.5 to 7.0.
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