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IELTS Essay Correction: Computer Skills At School – 2.

computer skills IELTS PTE

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Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects such as reading, writing, and math in elementary schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

IELTS: 40 words, 250 words at least.

Please go through answers of Student 1 and Student 2 as well.

Answer:

Computer skills are playing the most play (prefer Simple Present) a vital role in each and every aspects of the modern era nowadays. Because when a student has a minimum knowledge in his primary level of education, since (prefer since over because) it makes him a student smarter and self-confident than others even if he has lesser knowledge than others. So, I totally agreed about with this statement. (There are better ways to agree than writing this sentence.) (47 words. Optimum for an introduction.)

Firstly, the students who know how to operate a computer and the basic stuffs understands basics of computing (Violated parallelism. Operate and Understand are parallel. Read the article here.) in his primary level, he becomes more innovative. Like When he has a question in his mind, (Missed “such as” to link examples with the statement) what is the food habit of tribal people or what is the culture of American people. (He is better equipped to satisfy his curiosity and find answers to questions such as food habits of tribal people and the culture of the American Indians.) They just goggle Google it and get find the answer instantly. Secondly, from my personal experience, I started learning my Alphabet from a CD which my mom used it in on a computer to show me A for Apple and B for Ball. Now it makes me quiet quite familiar to do any task in on a computer. (95 words.)

Thirdly, now it is totally a computer era where we don’t even think about the Internet. Worldwide people make are making new friends and are learning (Parallelism violated. Use are making and are learning.) new languages with the help of the computer. Now students have their classes through online. Connect the two sentences and reduce words. Respect BREVITY: In this era of the Internet, children use computers not only to make new friends but also to learn languages and attend online classes. Not only those Moreover, lecturers and professors make conduct their classes through online and make a design distance learning program. Everything becomes easier by the sake of computer. (60 words.)

Yes, someone say that if they are advanced about the computer, they also visit the illegal sites also which has a negative impact in their life. So, I personally recommend, make restrictions on that sites which are not allowed for that level. (This idea could have been expressed more clearly in fewer words.) (39 words.) However, children may visit certain illegal gaming, hacking, and pornography websites while using computers. Parents and schools need to exercise control to prevent any such adverse effects.

In conclusion, I want to say, “Today’s children are Tomorrow’s Parents”. So, if we want an educated nation we have to teach our child children the best way technologically advanced methods of learning which make them best of the best. Rephrase: In conclusion, since today’s children are tomorrow’s parents, to create an educated nation they must learn technologically advanced methods of learning. There are many countries which are still backward to provide primary knowledge of computer head to head. So, we have to help our own selves and government support in is strongly needed to help the teachers’ to design the primary level program. (A lot of FAT in these two sentences. A number of unnecessary words.) (76 words. Too long for a conclusion.)

Total Words = 317. Too long for the exam. Make it short and crisp.

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