Image Courtesy: Pixabay
More people are now engaged in dangerous sports like skiing, motorbike jumping. Are you in favor of such activities? Why?
The importance of dangerous sports, which was always debatable, has
now become more controversial. The substantial influence of dangerous these sports has sparked a controversy over the potential impact of this trend on the number of people over the years. Merge the sentences: The importance of dangerous sports, which was always debatable, has become controversial due to the potential impact of this trend on the number of people over the years. It can be agreed that adventure sports are beneficial. However, some people believe it has disadvantages too (this is a repetition of the above lines in different words.). This essay will demonstrate both sides of doing dangerous sports and thus will lead to the logical conclusion (the reader knows what the essay will do. That’s the question. Please avoid writing this.). Give your opinion and mention reasons supporting your view. (71 words. Too long for an introduction.) At the outset, While there are numerous reasons why most of the people prefer to do skiing and motorbike jumping, but the most conspicuous one stems from the fact is that it boost boosts the confidence of the people. As an illustration, a sportsperson usually faces all the challenge that come to them him, which (link which to the word it refers to – challenges.) makes them him experienced to accept failure and go towards the success confidently. (Rephrase: A sportsperson, for instance, faces several challenges that make him more experienced to face obstacles and more flexible to accept failure graciously.) In addition to that Moreover, it helps to create the friend circle a network of people who love adventure games where they can exchange their difficulties and enhance their skills. Hence, it helps people to be more confident than they used to be (You’ve said this already.). (102 words.)
Nevertheless, some people adopt an opposing view and tend to believe that motorbike jumping and skiing
is are life-threatening and gives give stress to the family member of sportsperson until they came back home from their activities. However, these can be removed by using protective gears while performing activities. In this way, negative effect can be substituted by using protective equipment (Repetition of the line above in different words.). (59 words.) From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that In conclusion, engagement in dangerous sports is prominent as it boosts confidence of the people and its negative effect could be well handled by using safety gauge. (36 words. Short. Redundancy. Make it longer. Learn the art of writing a conclusion.)
Total Words = 267 words. A lot of redundancy, repetition. Little grammar mistakes.
Are you’re looking for help in writing a powerful Statement of Purpose? Contact us NOW!