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IELTS Task 2 Correction: Success is About Hard Work or Money?

proud of a family member IELTS speaking

Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both of views. Give your opinion and some of your own experiences.

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer to this question as well.

Answer:

A few people thinks think that triumph is related to diligence and grit. Albeit, others say that triumph (word repetition) is having ?? wealth and personality. (Link the two sentences using WHILE to write a better sentence conveying both ideas. While a few people think that success is related to diligence and grit, others believe it has a closer association with personal wealth and appearance.) We have workaholic people who believe that diligence and grit are cardinal (Repetition of the first sentence.), however, there are people who gives give more importance to power and cunningness (No context.). In my opinion, people having grit and persistency persistance (grit and persistance are the same.) are successful people. (57 words. Several repetitions. You’ve not MENTIONED the stuff you’re planning to present in the body paragraphs.)

On the one hand, people are competent to achieve their dreams with rigorous efforts and intelligence. People They learn new skills and concepts to enhance their knowledge in order to become independent which leads them to success. For instance, Carol Dweck who teaches at Harvard University has recently published a journal wherein she talked about these skills. Moreover, she proposed that people with grit are more successful and happier in their life. (70 words. Determination and hard work = better grades = better professional = better customer service = greater success. Example: Mr. Narendra Modi or Steve Jobs.)

On the other hand, we have people who takes take advantage of their wealth and smartness which does do not have relation to the success. We are in the era of globalization which appreciates the efforts and talents of people. For example, Amitabh Bachan’s son Abhishek Bachan is not able to triumph his in the film industry although he has adequate background and a great personality. (64 words. You’ve not discussed the second view. Rather you’ve supported the first view. Lost track of the question. Wealth and personality = better connections = more opportunities = greater success.)

In conclusion, if grit and diligence could be absolutely denied, then it will not only impact the individual but also will possess pose several problems for the future generations. I believe that talent and perseverance are essential ingredients for the success in life. (40 words.)

Total Words = 231 words. Short. Please write 250.

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