IELTS Task 1 Correction: Diarrhea in Mashhad.

The graph below gives information about the number of cases of Diarrhea in Mashhad between1983 and 1992.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Diarrhea IELTS Task 1.png

20 minutes, 150 words.

Answer:

The line graph demonstrates how (can’t see how.) the number of cases of diarrhea evolved in Mashhad in during a period of 10 years. (20 words. Optimum.)

It is observed that in 1983 Evidently, the number of cases stood at were 100 in 1983 (try writing the object of time at the end of the sentence.) and remained constant the following year. In 1985, a slight increase is was (Maintain the TENSE) seen (passive voice) and in the next year toll has (tense) reached to 175 which is almost double as last year(Stop. The sentence is already too long) and next is also followed by a rise of cases wherein toll reached close to 200.

Let me rewrite to present a clear picture. “Evidently, the number of cases were 100 in 1983 and 1984, and increased slightly in 1985. The number of patients jumped to more than 175 during 1986 and rose slightly to about 200 in 1987.” Let us discuss over the phone.

On the contrary, in 1988 an unexpected (You can comment on the nature of the fall, not whether it was expected or unexpected. Remove any subjectivity.) fall is seen (passive voice) and the number of cases dropped to 50. (Already too long. Stop.) then the following year cases rose dramatically and surpassed the count of 400 then (then repeated twice in the same sentence.) the next has shown moderate decline in cases and following year has maintained the equilibrium.

Rewrite: “The incidence of diarrhea dropped suddenly to just 50 during 1988 followed by a drastic increase to 400 the next year. Then the number of cases decreased marginally and hovered around 350 in 1990 and 1991.”

Moreover, in 1992, an enormous dip is measured as within a time span of a year the number of cases dramatically drowned declined to an ideal number zero. (130 words.)

Overall, number of cases of diarrhea‘s cases shown enormous change fluxtuated widely in during this decade. Besides, they were at their highest in 1989 while they declined tremendously in 1992 and within a span of three years reduced to zero. (30 words.)

Total Words = 180. Too long for a task 1. Bands = 6.5.

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