IELTS Essay Correction: Unpaid Community Service Compulsory For High Schools.

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Majority of people think that uncompensated voluntary social work should be a mandatory part of secondary education curriculum curricula (Plural of curriculum = curricula) such as working for a charity, development of neighbourhood or sports training to adolescent (Wrong placement of such as. Write it next to the word it exemplifies. Discuss with me.). I strongly agree that these programmes will enhance the collaboration amongst the citizen citizens. The students will understand the problems of the society. Mention the benefits in a single sentence: These programs will not only enhance the collaboration among students but also help them understand the society’s problems.

On the one hand, students are the best (context?) to inculcate new habit patterns in the neighbourhood and they naively demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of different ideas and concepts. For instance, recently, I read an article which enumerates the positives of participation of children in social activities that leads to healthy relations amongst themselves and their families (Reading an article is not an example. Give me facts, data in an example.). Furthermore, they (What does “they” refer to?) have discussed about the games which establishes establish strong bonding and leadership skills. (71 words. What exactly do you wish to convey through this paragraph?)

On the other hand, it is an easiest effective way to see observe and acknowledge the problems in our locality, city, and country. For instance, in India, there are many NGO’s working with prestigious schools and organisations to ensure that people children should work socially and find solutions to their (whose?) problems. Students visit orphanages, slump areas slums, countrysides and old age homes to understand the sociocultural aspects which enormously increase their emotional intelligence that leads to healthy and peaceful life. (77 words.)

To conclude, despite of cultural differences and diversity in our society, students are certainly working together and unwittingly improving their surroundings. In future, I believe that these kind of programmes will be conducted with the help of government. So, it is an initiative that government must consider and include it in the curriculum. (53 words. This is less of a conclusion and more of a new body paragraph. Do not introduce a new element “government” in the conclusion.) 

Sample conclusion: In conclusion, if school children carry out voluntary, unpaid social service, they will not only be more aware of the society’s problems but also gain the first-hand experience of managing social issues. This will make a society socially stable and sustainable. (41 words.)

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