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IELTS Essay Correction: Improve Public Health By Increasing Sports Facilities.

sports games IELTS PTE

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While some people advice advise that the best approach to enhance citizens’ health is by developing enormous sports facilities, others believe that this would have a marginal impact on citizens’ health and other initiatives are necessary. As sports are cardinal to improve mental health and subsequently citizens’ easy access to hospitals and local clinics (how? Please use this space to MENTION the points that you plan to explain in the body paragraph.). In my opinion, sports facilities are essential for everyone. (You’ve already said this above “Sports are cardinal to …..”) (60 words. Too long for an introduction. Save time by restricting yourself to 50 words.)

On the one hand, sports are essential for people of all ages as it increase increases the blood flow in the human body which leads to a healthy brain. For instance, Carol Dweck is a neuroscientist and she who recently publish published a report on mental health wherein she proposed that people who perform regular sports activities are more healthier and wealthier (???) than the others. Furthermore, her report shows that students having sports complex in their schools and colleges have above 130 IQ level an intelligence quotient of 130 and above(79 words.)

On the other hand, the government should ensure that people have access to hospitals and clinics as according to the The Guardian‘s survey, people are developing catching some diseases such as Malaria and Chickenpox in Southern America. For example, in Cub, the government has developed local clinics, divisional clinics, and hospitals to improve the health care system. This model has shown a tremendous decline in health issues in Cuba and nowadays, Cuba it is known for its excellent health system. (72 words.)

In conclusion, both the approaches are leading to the better health of citizens’ citizens (or Citizens’ better health). In my opinion, sports facilities are the best way to be healthier, however, the development of hospitals and clinics is utmost for the citizens especially in developing countries. (40 words.)

Total Words = 251. Well-written. Bands = 7.0. Work on the introduction.

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